Reflection Time

            A Zimbabwean man who called for a prostitute to come to his hotel room said he collapsed to the floor when his daughter showed up.

Father-of-three Titus Ncube of Bulawayo said he called for a prostitute to come to the hotel room in which he was staying while having marital problems and was shocked when his 20year old daughter arrived, The British tabloid-The Mirror reported.

Ncube said he collapsed to the floor upon recognizing his daughter, who quickly fled, crying.

            Is this not the case of what goes around comes around?

Many men want to eat their cakes (use other people’s daughters) and still have it (preserve their own daughters) but forget the law of Karma (nature). Let’s bring up dignified and responsible young men who appreciate women for virtues and not just sex.

Parents and older family members need to talk to young ladies about chastity and ladies need to learn about self-appreciation and contentment.

ANGRY NIGERIAN CHILDREN WRITE MR. PRESIDENT AGAIN

ANGRY NIGERIAN CHILDREN WRITE MR. PRESIDENT AGAIN: Conscious Nigerian Children write again

                 MUSINGS OF A TROUBLED HEART

In every nation of the world, there is a place for children and youths. Even the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) recognizes the place of children and makes it the fourth focal point “To reduce child mortality”.

     Believe it or not, children are the future of the world and we will gain or pay for whatever we do to them.

I remember when I was much younger (a child- though to my parents, I still am), everybody wanted to protect me/us from growing up too fast, hurts and the world, now I wonder when it became right for us to :

-          Abuse the fundamental rights of children

-          Abuse the child physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and most especially SEXUALLY

-          Deprive the child of necessary structures, policies, infrastructures to build their potentials

-          Bombard the child with negativism and sensitive social dilemmas

-          Entangle the child in adult misunderstandings

-          Expose the child to the ever increasing commotion of the world  and the turbulence ahead

-          Pass the wrong messages across

-          Reverse roles

-          Uncontrolled poverty

-          Brutality of some parents

-          Discrimination

“The Nigerian child suffers a combination of afflictions ranging from persistent socio cultural brutality, educational deprivations and class contradictions to poverty, jeopardized health and malnutrition, over exposure to hard labor and negative influences of the mass media.

Most ethnographic literature shows that Nigerians cherish children a lot, and desire to have some. In fact motherhood and fatherhood are regarded as the highest attainable success in life more than any measure of material wealth. However, the Nigerian child has remained largely exposed to hard labor and abandonment, in spite of the love of parents. Child labor and abuse are perhaps the most paramount of the afflictions suffered by the Nigerian Children”. (Yakubu Ozohu-Suleiman)

It is our duty to “protect the child against abuse and harmful practices”.

In the daily hustle and bustle of life, I hope you find a tiny bit of time to spare to make this world a better place for children, generations unborn.

I hope you be a refuge from the storm, a haven of hope- NOTHING YOU DO FOR A CHILD IS EVER WASTED

                          CHILDHOOD CREED

I pledge to preserve my childhood,

And enjoy my existence as a child.

To be the best in all I can while growing up,

And not jump into adulthood.

I will strive to be as sweet as nectar, as brave as a lion and as cheerful as a bear and not let anyone take undue advantage of me.

Just like Michelangelo- “I am still learning”,

And I will try to learn only positive things and not give in to peer pressure.

My future is bright and has no right to take to take me by surprise.

God willing, I will make my friends, peers, teachers, parents, family and nation proud.

I will enjoy this phase of my life in innocence as intended by God.

I pledge to preserve my childhood.

                                    LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX-PART 1

Let’s talk about sex baby,

Let’s talk about all the good, all the bad things…

I remember hearing these lyrics in passing while I was must younger

Sex! Hmmm! That word! SEX!

Sex is a term that is frequently used, and yet poorly defined and as every word on earth, sex has a lot of definitions and applications ranging from Biology, Reproduction, Specie, Coitus… the list is endless.

Sex can be defined a thousand ways, yet there is no single answer to what sex is.

It’s a fact: your children will learn about sex.

The question is: who will teach them? Whose values will shape and mold their thinking?

Most children learn more about sex from friends, television, magazines and books than from their own parents. Parents generally find it difficult to talk about this sensitive subject. Discomfort does not alleviate the critical need to address it.

Sex education is not just about reproduction. It is about MORALS and VALUES. That’s why sex education should start from home. It’s great when the school, church, mosque or youth organization supports your beliefs, BUT THEY SHOULD NEVER REPLACE MOM AND DAD.

Recent studies are proving that young people who are raised in homes where sex is openly discussed and strong values are communicated are far less likely to experiment with sex.

Rev Sam Adeyemi in his book, Sex Straight Talk, referred to Sex as the strongest natural emotion known to man.

Remember what it was like for you to be a teenager and look at the world around- You’ll agree that it’s a lot harder now.

Accurate teachings about the basics of life including sex and sexuality impart knowledge and promote maturity.

Our children deserve to know the whole truth about sexuality and its inherent dangers and joys.

It’s a fact that the human appetite for sex increases during the teenage years because of the invasion of hormones. This is a normal part of growing up.

Sex is an important topic that we should discuss with our young people to make sure they do not become misinformed and make serious mistakes.

REMEMBER IT ALL COMES BACK TO YOU… THE PARENT

STATISTICS ON TEENAGE PREGNANCY

THERE ARE ONE BILLION TEENAGERS IN THE WORLD. HALF ARE YOUNG WOMEN. MANY WILL BECOME PREGNANT. MANY IN CERTAIN COUNTRIES ARE PUSHED INTO EARLY MARRIAGE. EDUCATION OF YOUTHS ESPECIALLY THE GIRL-CHILD HAS PROVEN TO DELAY THE CHILD-BEARING YEARS, WHICH IS KEY TO DETRACTING FROM POPULATION MOMENTUM-THE PHENOMENON THAT OCCURS WHEN LARGE NUMBERS OF WOMEN ENTER THE CHILDBEARING YEARS.

AT AGE 15, 75% OF TEENAGERS ARE VIRGINS

AT AGE 17, 50% OF TEENAGERS ARE VIRGINS

AT AGE 20, 20% OF TEENAGERS ARE VIRGINS

AT AGE 20, 50% ARE TEENAGE MOTHERS

IN TEENAGE PREGNANCIES, 14% END IN MISCARRIAGES

31% END IN ABORTIONS

55% END IN BIRTHS

76% END IN TEENAGE BIRTHS

23% OF ALL BIRTHS ARE TO TEENAGERS

A SEXUALLY ACTIVE TEENAGER WHO DOESN’T USE CONTRACEPTION HAS A 90% CHANCE OF PREGNANCY WITHIN ONE YEAR

95% OF THE ONE MILLION TEENAGE PREGNANCIES ARE UNINTENDED AND ALMOST ONE THIRD END IN ABORTIONS

ABSTINENCE IS THE ONLY 100% FOOLPROOF WAY YOU CAN PREVENT PREGNANCY

ALMOST ALL TEENAGE PREGNANCIES ARE UNINTENDED

ONLY 34% OF ADOLESCENT/TEENAGE MOTHERS RETURN TO SCHOOL AFTER GIVING BIRTH

21% OF TEENAGE GIRLS WHO GET PREGNANT ARE VICTIMS OF INCEST OR OTHER FORMS OF SEXUAL ABUSE

80% OF PREGNANT TEENS COME FROM POOR FAMILIES

5 OUT OF EVERY TEN TEENAGERS WILL GET PREGNANT

6 OUT OF EVERY TEN TEENAGERS ARE PRONE TO GET PREGNANT OR MAKE ANOTHER PREGNANT

5 OUT OF TEN TEENAGERS WILL HAVE HAD AT LEAST ONE CHILD BY THE AGE OF EIGHTEEN

THE FIGURES INCREASE AT AN ALARMING RATE DAY IN-DAY OUT

TEENAGE PREGNANCY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH RELIGION, CLASS OR COUNTRY

IN DEVELOPED COUNTRIES, UNITED STATES AND NEW ZEALAND HAVE THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF TEENAGE PREGNANCY AND JAPAN/SOUTH KOREA-THE LOWEST LEVEL OF TEENAGE PREGNANCY WHILE IN UNDERDEVELOPED  THE SAME NUMBER OF STATISTICS

EVERY YEAR, ALMOST ONE MILLION TEENAGERS GET PREGNANT-AT ENORMOUS COSTS TO THEMSELVES, THEIR CHILDREN AND THE SOCIETY.

60% OF THE FATHERS ARE TEENAGE BOYS AND 40% OLDER MEN

7 OUT OF TEN TEENAGERS HAVE NEVER HAD ANY FORM OF SEX EDUCATION FROM THEIR PARENTS, SIBLINGS, and TEACHERS ETC

NEARLY 7 OUT OF 10KIDS AGREE IT WOULD BE MUCH EASIER FOR THEM TO POSTPONE SEXUAL ACTIVITY AND AVOID TEENAGE PREGNANCY IF THEY WERE ABLE TO HAVE MORE OPEN, HONEST CONVERSATIONS ABOUT SEX AND RELATED TOPICS

TEENAGE PREGNANCY PERMANENTLY CHANGES AT MINIMUM 5 LIVES

THE TEENAGER AND THE FAST PACED WORLD BY BLESSING ONYEAZOR

Just as men are in sizes, so life is in phases. The phases of life are the childhood phase (morning), teenage phase (afternoon) and adulthood phase (evening). But the teenage phase is of particular interest because it is a period of strategic investment and self-discovery. It happens to be a phase where principles and values are built and foundation is laid for the next phase of life. In every phase of life there are prices to pay in order to successfully get to the next phase, you either pay “the price of discipline” or “the price of regret” and it is good you pay the price when you are young. You pay today and play tomorrow or you play today and pay tomorrow, whichever way the price will be paid.  Therefore, in order to be a successful adult, one has to maximize this phase of life.

Unlike previous generations, the world is moving at a fast pace. The challenges of teens in previous generations cannot be compared with the challenges teens in this generation are confronted with on a daily basis. Nowadays, parents tend to give their teens more independence there by leaving them to chance all in the name of civilization forgetting that they ought to serve as a support system to their children. Due to this, teens now confide in their peers than their parents and believe more in what their peers say than advice from their parents failing to forget that their peers cannot see beyond their nose. Teens should learn to cultivate sound relationship with their parents and listen to wise counsel from their parents because they have their best interest at heart. Never think your parents are old school or outdated, there are wisdom deposit in them that you need to live a successful life.  

It is obvious from the “Law of Association” that over time we become like the people we move with either consciously or unconsciously and we are either adjusting to their pace or theirs to ours’. On a daily basis, teens are prone to making critical decisions and they are influenced by their peers through diverse means just because they want to feel accepted, they want to be part of the COOL CROWD or probably satisfy their own curiosity. But as a teen, you must understand that you do not have to be part of the crowd to make a difference and when you follow the crowd you get lost in it. Remember, they that move with the wise will become wise but the companions of fools will be destroyed.

Most teens are faced with the issue of low self esteem, some as a result of their background, physical appearance, not been able to meet up with what their mates are doing etc. But as a teen, you must understand that low self-esteem leads to depression and frustration in life. You cannot be successful if you are not happy with yourself. It is crucial you know who you are and what you really want out of life. You are designed the way you are by God for your purpose or assignment. No one is like you or will ever be like you and you can never be like someone else no matter how hard you try. You are beautiful just the way you are to accomplish what God has created you for. You must learn to appreciate and make do with the little you have knowing that whatever you desire, you will have, it is just a matter of time. Though your beginning is small your latter end shall greatly increase. You might not be where you want to be but you are not where you used to be. You are not ending the way you are and where you are, there is more to your life than what you are displaying right now. Look within and see a better you! You must have a balanced view of yourself and see yourself from God’s perspective because it gives you a positive attitude towards life.

When it comes to the issue of social or electronic media, teens are seen as the main target. Unlike the previous generations, the media is now easily access through diverse means such as computers, iPods, mobile phones, etc. It has been proven that the rate of online activities is high among teens, 78% of teens are involved with video games, email 73%, instant messaging 68%, and social networking sites 65%, new sources 63%, music 59%, videos 57%. And for every hour of television watched by teens, there are, an average 6-7 scenes including sexual topics and about 10% of these scenes has sexual imagery and content. Teens spend more time using the internet and watching television (the silent killer) forgetting that life is measured in time. Time is one of the most valuable commodities that you have. It is more valuable than money. You can make more money but you cannot make more time. Every day God gives each of us a deposit of 86,400seconds. The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine, how you make use of your time matters, and you don’t waste but invest your time. However, better academic performance has been associated with moderate use of the social or electronic media. Engage time, exploit time! Don’t waste or wait for time! Those who watch two (2) home videos a    day can never compete with those who spend three (3) hours a day to learn something or do something engaging. 

Avoid distractions, be focused, have a dream, work hard, make well cut out choices, take good decisions and when in doubt talk to your parents, teachers, elders because one can make errors. Take time to deliberately develop yourself (spiritually, physically, socially, mentally etc). Choose your values-character, that is, honesty, integrity, law abiding etc and stay with them. Build self-confidence-know who you are… that you have a genius in you waiting to be explored. You are an answer to one of our social challenges! A blessing to this generation!

SAY NO TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

                            WOMEN-SAY NO TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

     On www.9jamom.com, the theme for the month of February is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. I am using this medium to write on the subject and also invite you-my friends to www.9jamom.com. 9jamom.com is an online community where moms (dads are invited too) learn, share, teach and complement each other in this journey of motherhood-parenthood.

      DOMESTIC VIOLENCE can be defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over an “Intimate Partner’.

The United Nations defines violence against women as any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in physical, sexual or mental harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life.

Domestic Violence (let’s call it DV) mostly comprises of-

-       Physical harm especially battering

-       Sexual or psychological harm

-       Physical aggression

-       Sexual coercion especially rape

-       Psychological (emotional) abuse

-       Controlling behaviors

-       Threats of abuse

Enough of the big definitions. I know what it is to experience domestic violence-or to be in an abusive relationship (at least that’s the subtle name we call it).

I know that you don’t have to die to go to hell. What have these soon-to-be 25years eyes not seen? Blessing! Only You!

     I got pregnant as a teenager and I stayed for a little while in the relationship out of the prospects of facing the world as a Teenage/Single mother and whatever label the society would put on me.

My baby papa is handsome (why is it mostly the handsome ones?), religious, influential, wonderful, caring and to some the ideal man. Away from the prying eyes of the public , He beat me at the slightest provocation, even when I didn’t do anything wrong; took out his frustrations on me; changed my mobile number, chose my clothes, hair-do, wanted me to leave school for a school of his choice, gave me a ‘janded’ name and all manner of unimaginable things. He beat one day with his belt that his cousin (a male) was forced to tell me I was stupid for holding on.

It took a message from T.D. Jakes to make me walk out of the relationship. Domestic violence and other reasons! I left with a truckload of souvenirs; The title I was dreading-Single mother, a shattered self-esteem, an almost miscarried pregnancy (she seemed determined to come to this world, my doctor is still in shock of how I didn’t lose it especially when he sees my blondie), a beautiful babygirl, MY LIFE, some hurt joints, new purpose, a gigantic lesson…the list is endless.

I was lucky to leave alive, so I understand what you are passing through and though am healed now, I get scared when anyone raises a hand even if it jokingly.

      Domestic Violence is a serious threat for most women. The signs are endless, some of the signs are:

-       Calls you names, insults or puts you down

-       Prevents you from going to work or doing things you have always done

-       Uses Silent Treatment as manipulation technique

-       Stops you from seeing family members and friends and if he does chooses a select few which he feels wont teach you bad things

-       Tries to control all you do-clothes you wear, drugs you take, everything to suit his taste

-       Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful

-       Gets angry unnecessarily especially after drinking alcohol

-       Threatens you with violence or weapons

-       Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or pets

-       Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will

-       Blames you for his behavior or tells you that you deserve it

-       Portrays the violence as mutual and consensual

-       Apologizes after every abuse especially with gifts or wonderful love-making, promises to change but repeats the cycle again.

The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the greater the toll on your self-esteem. You begin to doubt your ability to take care of yourself, wonder if the abuse is your fault or even justify his actions. Many women leave those relationships with bruises, shattered self-esteem, broken bones, black or blind eyes, scars etc, and the unlucky ones DIE. Yes oh, some women die!

The first step to healing is TELLING SOMEONE ABOUT THE ABUSE. Don’t keep quiet about it, get someone you can confide in. You need all the help, support and encouragement you can get.

The second step is to LEAVE. PLEASE LEAVE even if it’s temporarily till he gets his senses back (some never get it back) and if he doesn’t, GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE. It may sound unchristian, unreligious (please tell me that word exists) or whatever word people will use but it’s the right thing to do. Leave for the sake of your children-if you have any, yourself-so you can meet a man who will treat you good and give you children or even treat the children you have well, make something out of life and be happy. Yorubas have an adage that says “to ba tori okunrin kan ku, egberun a koja lori saare e” meaning if you die ‘cause of one man, a 1000men will pass over your grave.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS DEMEANING. If you stay in such a relationship or don’t seek help, it means you,

-       Do not have value (self-value)-offence intended

-       Need help!

Stop the cycle of the abuse. Help that person who is going through such.

REMEMBER- LOVE DOESN’T AND SHOULDN’T HURT.

NB- Women, this is not a clarion call to make you misbehave, run your mouths like taps and act unethically.

Don’t forget, we are expecting you on www.9jamom.com

QUOTES ON CHILDREN- PART 1

                                                  

-         CHILDREN ARE OUR MOST VALUABLE NATURAL RESOURCE-HERBERT HOOVER

-          It’s easier to build strong children than to repair broken men- Frederick Douglass

-          A child educated only at school is an uneducated child- George Santayana

-          If you must hold yourself up to children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example-George Bernard Shaw

-          Home is the place where boys and girls first learn how to limit their wishes, abide by rules, and consider the rights and needs of others-Sidonie Gruenberg

-          Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you-Robert Fulghum

-          For these are all our children, we will all profit by, or pay for, whatever they become-James Baldwin

-          We worry about what a child will become tomorrow yet we forget that he is someone today-Stacia Tauscher

-          When I approach a child, he inspires in me two sentiments; tenderness for what he is, and respect for what he may become-Louis Pasteur

-          Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted-Garrison Keillor

-          All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up-Pablo Picasso

-          If we don’t stand up for children, then we don’t stand for much-Marian Wright Edelman

-          The most important thing that a father can do for his children is to love their mother-Theodore Hesburg

-          Wealth and children are the adornment of life-Koran

-          It takes a village to raise a child-African Proverb

-          One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade-Chinese proverb

-          The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids-Jill Bensley

-          Bitter are the tears of a child: sweeten them

Deep are the thoughts of a child: quiet them

Sharp is the grief of a child: take it from him

Soft is the heart of a child: DO NOT HARDEN IT- Pamela Glenconner

-          Childhood: The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth- two removes  from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age-Ambrose Bierce

-          To nourish children and raise them against odds is in anytime, anyplace, more valuable than to fix bolts in cars or design nuclear weapons-Marilyn French

-          Making the decision to have a child- it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body-Elizabeth Stone

-          Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist-Michael Levine

-          Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better-Jane Nelson

-          We will not learn to live together in peace by killing each other’s children-Jimmy Carter

-          Children are the most wonderful audiences. What’s struck me most  is that they watch so silently, until the end when they shriek and shout and clap-Emma Thompson

-           

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Man accused of raping 12-year-old girl four times

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Man accused of raping 12-year-old girl four times: Lagos State Commissioner of Police, Yakubu Alkali Culled from Punch.... Like any observant parent, Mrs. Kehinde Oduntan became concerned...

PARENT-SEARCHING

                                                      “PARENT-SEARCHING”

Welcome to my world. I missed you all. How have you been? How’s work, home front, and all that contributes to making you the wonderful person that you are.  I really mean it, you are wonderful. Now, I like that smile, it fits your face.

You must be wondering what parent searching is about. It’s about you and I as parents. Am still learning the ropes at being a better parent and  am sure you are, no matter how long you have been at it, you still want to get better-at least my parents still do.

Parent searching is in series and this is the first of many to come. It’s a series of random questions that are important in our daily lives as parents. Sometimes you never know the minute details you are leaving out. Please be sincere with yourself for the sake of your child(ren), wards and younger siblings. The questions are straight forward with either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ as answers. You might want to drop your BB, newspaper, laptop, and whatever you are doing and answer these questions. Bring out your journals or sheets of paper so we can grade ourselves. While you are at it, be sincere and remember to laugh at yourself when reality hits you, don’t be hard on yourself-we are all aspiring to be better.

Every ‘Yes’ answer=2points

Every ‘No’ answer=1point

Bon voyage or should I say bon appétit, either way, have fun and lets know what you think at the end of your parent-searching.

That kid is surely blessed to have you as his/her parent, guardian, sibling or caregiver.

THE SEARCHING BEGINS   

1.       Do you have self-control issues?

2.       Do you see some streak of your childhood/youthful rebellion in your child?

3.       Do you wish there were some traits your child didn’t inherit from you?

4.       Do you recognize yourself as the most important influencing factor in the life of your child?

5.       When you think of negative happenings around you, do you get scared that you are not doing your best for your child?

6.       Can your children trust you for care, support and protection?

7.       Do you still feel some resentment towards your parents?

8.       Can you boldly say you are very or quite close to your child?

9.       Is your family structure (devoid of violence, abuse, family strife) intact?

10.   Are you present at important times in the life of your child (sports/games, graduations etc)?

11.   Do your children see you as a terror or a friend?

12.   Can they and do they confide in you?

13.   Do I ask questions?

14.   Do your children know that you have high expectations of them (that’s if you really have) and expect them to achieve them?

15.   Do you affirm them positively from time to time?

16.   Do you (can you) intentionally create time to spend with them?

17.   Do you monitor their movements, friends, sexuality and all they do?

18.   Do you provide adequate SEX EDUCATION instead of scary fallacies and myths?

19.   Do you carefully correct them and point out consequences for their wrong doings?

20.   Do you act ‘holier than thou’?

21.   Can you notice a sudden change in mood of your child?

22.   Do you build their self-esteem and self-worth or deflate it?

23.   Are you over-bearing? Do your children always look for an excuse to stay away from you?

24.   Do you still believe that virginity is still in vogue and wish your child is one?

25.   Do you want to get better for the sake of your child?

Hmmmmmmmmm……….. I heaved a deep sigh too.

45-50points------You are an ACE parent. Don’t relent. That child will definitely make you proud.

30-44pointss------HONORS parent. Keep working at it. This isn’t your best.

20-29points------BRONZE parent. Parenting is a job on its own. Press at it. It will get better.

10-19points------WOOD parent. I like the effort. Go back to the drawing board. You might be the next ace parent.

No matter where you belong, always remember that these ‘gifts’ of ours won’t always be here. Have fun, train, scold, laugh, hey include crying, argue-you are only human, sing, play, cook, etc together, WHILE YOU STILL HAVE THE TIME AND THEM AROUND.

                                                                                I’m off to build castles in the sand with my 5-year old gift.

                                                                                Au revoir.

  

ADAH: MY UNCLE MOLESTED ME

                 ADAH: HOW MY UNCLE MOLESTED ME

          A true life story on CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE as told by Adah(not real name). All names have been changed but the story is told in the exact words of the victim (with little omissions for protection purposes) and with her permission. Any resemblance to any other person is coincidental and not intended. I hope this story touches your heart as it did mine and open your eyes to the increase in abuse of children ‘sexually’ among us.

        My name is Adah, I live in Makurdi, Benue State, Nigeria. I am 8years old and in primary four. I was molested by my UNCLE.

I grew up to know Uncle Andrew; He is my FATHER’s YOUNGER BROTHER and came to stay with my parents after they got married.

Uncle Andrew helped around the house but mostly he took care of me. He picked me after school, taught me my homework, fixed my lunch, supervised my washing, made sure I had siesta, played and watched TV with me till my parents returned from work in the evening.

My parents sometimes travel out of Makurdi where we stay but leave me at home with Uncle Andrew because I will be well taken care of.

I really loved my Uncle; He was my best friend.

It all started while I was still 7years old. My parents had travelled very early one Saturday morning leaving me with Uncle Andrew. I wasn’t feeling too well so Uncle Andrew had to bathe me. While bathing me, he put his hand in my private part, at first he was washing it but he later put his finger in it. I didn’t think of anything because he was bathing me.

Two days later, he came to sleep on my bed, (my parents were to spend 10days out of town), you see aunty, we often sleep together especially when we have guests and they had to sleep in his room or whenever I sleep off while watching the television in his room. BUT that night was different; my uncle touched my body and sucked my breasts (I don’t even have breasts yet).

The next day, he repeated the same thing, but this time, he put my hand on his penis (it was big, strong and scary) and told me to rub it. I refused. I was scared. My uncle kept saying he will not hurt me that I was his baby. He told me it was what ‘Uncles did to their babies they really love’. He even made me put my mouth on it till something came out of it. He thanked me and told me that I was the best and he will love me forever.

In the morning, he told me not to tell anyone, because they will not understand and be jealous of our love. Uncle Andrew bought me things every time and sometimes stopped me from going to our neighbor’s house.

     When my parents came back, I told them I wanted to ask them a few things; they always said they were tired, that I should wait till the next day or ask Uncle Andrew. Anytime I try to ask, my parents especially my mother will tell me to wait till tomorrow, there was always an excuse and Uncle Andrew was always around.

  On Friday, two days to my birthday, my uncle repeated all he had been doing, BUT this time, he put his penis inside my private part. It hurt so much. I begged him to stop. I shouted and screamed but I don’t think anyone heard me. When he finished, he told me he loves me and that ‘I shouldn’t tell anyone because no one will believe me’.

That night, I became sick. My mother kept saying it was because i was scared of turning eight. My stomach, private part and legs hurt so much and it was Uncle Andrew (again!!!), they sent to buy me drugs.

The next morning, I was very hot and shivering badly, I couldn’t even stand well. My parents (didn’t travel because of my birthday) took me to the hospital. At the hospital, the doctor asked how I was feeling, when I started feeling sick and the parts of my body that ache. After I answered, the first question she asked me was if anybody had touched my private part. Before I could answer, my mother answered ‘No! She is well taken care’. The doctor asked me to go the laboratory for tests. The tests proved I had been molested, they found some whitish things (sperm) in me.

My parents cried! I cried! The doctor asked me to remove my pants, when she looked at my private part, she too almost cried. She told my parents to come and look at it too. My mother shouted, my father couldn’t look at it well. The doctor was very angry with my parents; she said it was their negligence that caused it. My mother asked me who did it to me. I told them it was Uncle Andrew.

My parents shouted ‘ANDREW!!!’ and asked why I never told them. I told them I tried and reminded them of all the times I tried to get their attention to it.

The doctor gave me some drugs and told me to rest, that she will come with a lady I will like to talk to. I got home tired but I remember my father crying and shouting at Uncle Andrew to leave the house that he didn’t want to have anything to do with him. My mother held me and cried, saying she was sorry for being too busy.

    The next day, Sunday- MY BIRTHDAY was a sad day. I slept in my parents room and I woke up to see them looking at me, am sure they didn’t sleep.

By 10am, our doctor came with a lady. The doctor says I will have an operation once the pain reduces. The lady talked to me alone (first), she made me laugh, cry, write, and hugged me. She then talked to my parents; then she talked to all of us together.

She said the first step to recovery was to let out what I feel (vent whatever emotions you may be feeling). I have cried, am tired of crying. I asked her questions too. What did I ever do to Uncle Andrew for him to do that to me?

The second step she said is to talk about it. That’s why am telling my story.

Please pray for me as I try to recover from this and protect a child next to you. Aunt Timi says, ‘Anybody can abuse/molest another, n matter the type of relationship between them’.

Thank you.