Red Card Teenage Pregnancy!

"Red Card Teenage Pregnancy!"

The game of football (soccer) is a very interesting game that commands the followership of a sizable number of the world. To have some sense of order in the game, there are a set of rules which guide the 22 players in the game. There is a referee who is the arbiter between the two teams that contest each time. Anytime any of the eleven players on each side of the field breaks any of the rules of the game, the referee signifies the degree of his meted punishment with two different colour cards; the yellow and the red. The yellow card signifies that the defaulting player has a second and final chance to remain in the game while the red card issues the defaulting player a matching order out of the game and stops him or her from further abusing the rules of the game.

Life is very akin to the game of football with set rules for the purpose of order. Just like in the game of football, there are game rule defaulters in the game of life. In the lives of our young people, among other defaulters Teenage Pregnancy is one of such. That is why I am saying in this article that you and I as parents, guardians, caregivers, young people, teenagers etc. should "Red Card Teenage Pregnancy!"


What is Teenage Pregnancy?

Teenage pregnancy.

Teenage Pregnancy occurs when a teenager or underaged girl (usually within the ages of 12-19) becomes pregnant. The term in everyday speech usually refers to women who have not reached legal adulthood which varies across the world who become pregnant.

In today's high-pressure, fast-paced and jet-age world, it is not easy being a teenager. Having been a teenager myself years back, I can tell and my dear teenage friends out there may align with this view of mine. Young people need to listen to compelling and consistent talks on abstinence.


Some causes of Teenage Pregnancy are-

Causes.

*Parental Negligence
*Lack of or Inadequate Sex Education
*Exposure
*Poverty
*Child Abuse
*Teenage Rebellion
*Peer Pressure
*Sexual Abuse

The vast possibilities of our great future will become realities only if we (as parents, guardians or caregivers) make ourselves responsible for the future. Who knows? The next victim of teenage pregnancy could be your child, niece, neighbour's daughter or sibling etc. This is not to make teenage pregnancy look like some kind of disease, but you will agree with  me that it is a shameful thing to happen to one's child even in the highly civilised countries.  As civilised and 'socially liberal' as such countries may be, teenage pregnancy is a sad reflection of the failure of parenthood and the society at large. It could happen in school, church or mosque etc. It happens anywhere, that is why we (as parents, guardians or caregivers) must watch out for our children or wards.

Statistics.

Statistics on Teenage Pregnancy-

-In America-
-Approximately 750,000 teenagers between 15-19 will become pregnant every year in the US. African-American teenagers have the highest pregnancy rate compared to Hispanic and Caucasian teenagers.

-In UK-
-The UK has the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe.
The Office for National Statistics data showed there were 41.9 conceptions per 1,000 15 - 17 year olds in 2007 - up from 40.9 the year before.
It is the first increase since 2002 and the government missed its target to halve rates by 2010. The news follows a series of high-profile teenage pregnancy cases. In total, there were estimated to be just over 42,900 conceptions in under 18s. The under 16 conception rates also increased from 7.8 per 1,000 to 8.3, meaning there were nearly 8,200 pregnancies.

-In Asia-
In the Indian subcontinent, premarital sex is uncommon, but early marriage sometimes means adolescent pregnancy. The rate of early marriage is higher in rural regions than it is in urbanised areas. Fertility rates in South Asia range from 71 - 119 births per 1000 women aged 15–19. 30% of all Indian induced abortions are performed on women who are under 20.
Other parts of Asia have shown a trend towards increasing age at marriage for both sexes. In South Korea and Singapore, marriage before age 20 has all but disappeared, and, although the occurrence of sexual intercourse before marriage has risen, rates of adolescent childbearing are low at 4 - 8 per 1000. The rate of early marriage and pregnancy has decreased sharply in Indonesia and Malaysia; however, it remains high in comparison to the rest of Asia.

-In Africa-
The highest rate of teenage pregnancy in the world -143 per 1,000 girls aged 15–19 years - is in sub-Saharan Africa. Women in Africa, in general, get married at much earlier ages than women elsewhere - leading to earlier pregnancies

-In Nigeria-
The United Nations says 53,000 women in Nigeria die annually of pregnancy-related illnesses. That is one of the highest maternal mortality rates in the world. Doctors and youth counselors in Nigeria say teenage mothers are more at risk because of poverty, lack of access to health care, and a culture that does not like to talk about sex. -VOA News 2009-03-03


Dangers of Teenage Pregnancy-

Danger!

*Low Self-Esteem
*Increased maternal and child morbidity or mortality
*Sexually Transmitted Infection or Diseases e.g. Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV), Vesicovaginal Fistula (vvF)
*Education or Career drop outs
*Abortions
*Risk of loss of life
*Exchanging sex for resources due to inability to cope financially, materially etc.
*Shame or disgrace to the family
*Pregenancy for Teenagers is more dangerous and traumatic (confirm by statistics above).
*Social Stigma etc.


Preventing Teenage Pregnancy-
We as parents must put an immediate stop to our unacceptable lackadaisical attitude towards the upbringing of our children.

We need to teach our children and teenagers-

1. Sex Education- 

The teaching of fundamental theories and facts about sex to a person or people, so that they can be sexually conscious, understanding the do's and don'ts of sex, dangers, side effects, when suitable etc. Regular sex education in the classroom alone is insufficient. Sex education to our children should begin with we the parents teaching our children at home. We need to get over the 'shyness' or reluctance of not being bold enough to talk to our children about sex. If our children learn about sex first from we the parents it is a lot safer for them and us in preventing teenage pregnancy. I say this because they will be learning from one of the most reliable sources which gives one peace of mind, rather than learning from friends who may lead them astray.  In the bid to prevent teenage pregnancy, sex education should be more emphasised by parents at home, religious leaders in religious organsiations etc.  Teenagers who have had formal sex education are far more likely to put off having sex.


2. Sexual Abstinence-                                                                                                                             
 Abstinence is more than the cliches of "just say no" or "wait until marriage" or "You are too young to have sex", which sounds more like compelling without convincing reason. While those are all very good reasons, most decisions about abstinence go deeper than that. Abstinence means voluntarily choosing not to engage in sexual activity until marriage, and this is why sex education is most important. When our children are properly informed about sex, they will be able to make informed decision on sexual abstinence.


3. Self Respect-
                                             
The way we treat our children as parents at home determines whether they grow with self respect or not. Many of our children today have lost their self respect or self-esteem because of different kinds of abuses they suffer from the way some of we parents treat them. In as much as there are a number of causes of low esteem in children, we can help our children develop their self respect or esteem, beginning with the way we treat them. i.e. with respect; from the way we talk to and with them etc. They may be our children, but just like every individual, we should realise that they deserve our respectful treatment. We should give them a sense of worth in the home. In this way, they will not look up to their peers or outsiders for self respect or esteem. When a child (especially a girl child) lacks self respect and she has to look up to a boy outside the home for self respect or love, this leads to all manner of regrettable consequences among which is teenage pregnancy (directly or indirectly).

4. Positive Decision Making-

Guide their decision making.

In the grooming of our children, we should give them some air of liberty in decision making, particularly on issues that concerns them. We may help them review their decisions though and offer them parental guidance, but we should avoid foisting our own views on them. Allowing our children some form of liberty as they grow instill in them indepedence.


As we continue to mind the rules in the game of life, we as parents, guardians, caregivers, young people, teenagers etc. should constantly "Red Card Teenage Pregnancy!" out of the lives of those concerned in our lives.

Once Upon A Mess...Now A Message To Bless.

Met this young man.

6 years ago it was, I met this young man; young, innocent, naive but adventurous as I was, I got involved with him and we did what we shouldn't have done. Hmmnn... That forbidden act as unmarried 1 adolescent  (me) and 1 adult (him) resulted in an unplanned-for pregnancy.

Pregnant?!!! Preg...what? Me? P-r-e-g-n-a-n-t?!!! Ah! "I am finished!" So I thought..."how was I going to break this shameful news to my parents?" "Should I hide? Hide where? Should I run away? Where to? Should I go get rid of it?"  God! I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion, I was scared of those sharp and pricky instruments they use-they look like subsistent farming implements-sickle, garden fork etc. Those who allow them use those tools on them must be out of their minds! These and many more begging-for-answers questions raced through my troubled mind and cluttered brain. Pregnancy, especially in a slim adolescent as I was at the time was not something that could be hidden successfully for long, at least not for 9 months without my parents' eagle eyes picking it. Not to talk about the tell tale signs of pregnancy- the early morning sickness, weakness, spitting, loss of appetite, nauseating feelings, vomiting  in some cases etc. Yuhk!

I remember like yesterday.

I remember like yesterday, that dreaded September morning to remember, having finally summoned the courage to face the music, when I dropped the bombshell. Was it a bombshell or a dynamite?! I remember my Mum looking at me as if she had seen a ghost. She was just speechless and lost. I could imagine what must have been coursing through her turmoiled mind. "Ehn? ...is it true, I'm I dreaming or watching a true life movie?" Not my Timidi...impossible!" Poor Mum...against all her faith-fighting thoughts it was true...her supposed innocent but misled girl had eaten the 'forbidden fruit.' My Dad on his part kept sighing heavily for an hour uninterruptedly. Couldn't figure what was traversing his disheveled mind. Finally, he broke his pregnant silence. He said slowly and calmly: (in Yoruba language- the language of the western part of Nigeria.) : "Kilo fe se ni siyin?" (Meaning- what is your decision now on this matter?) Struggling to find my voice, when I finally did, I quiveringly said: I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion. He then said: "You are responsible for your decisions." That verdict marked the genesis of my adult life.

This exodus to my adult life was not a roller coaster after all. Each phase of it came with it's different melodrama. The months of the pregnancy following my open disclosure to my parents was an eclectic mix of the 'good' the 'bad' and the 'ugly'. The physical pressure induced by the biological changes characteristic of the growth of the 'seed' residing within me took its toll on me. I am moved to tears right now remembering how so motherly my Mum gave her support all through to this unprepared, naive, young and expectant mother. To mothers who find themselves today in my Mum's shoes years back, this is not the time to say all the unprintable words to your daughter or disown her. I am not saying you should condone. No! Condemn what she has done because there is nothing worthy of emulation in what I did, but the way my parents maturely handled it puts me on this rostrum today to be sharing with you. After letting her know you don't like what she has done, what you should give her at this time; you and her father is your love, support and unflinching care. If the contrary is the case, you may worsen the already bad situation and trust me, you as the mother will be the one to share the greater regret and shame.

The Shame...ah!

The social shame I faced is also a worthy source of life lesson. I lost friends and received a barrage of insults from ex-friends (as they left me) gossiping and busy body neighbours. I learnt that when you are 'up' your friends know you, but when you are 'down' YOU KNOW YOUR FRIENDS! Yeah the insults! They were so emotionally disturbing such that walking around the neighbourhood sometimes with my inconcealable and protruding tummy, the insults almost ran me bunkers. I wept endlessly...cried my self to sleep many nights. Not to talk about the fact that I am a very emotional person who cries with ease. I soon got used to the insults. Did I tell you that Daddy is a clergyman and Mum a Christian Religious Studies teacher? So you can imagine how my shameful act brought them untold shame. As a young girl, I was always in the eye of the public and very stubborn, so after years of sobering up, this incident came as a shocker to everyone. The only one who in the midst of all these pressures seemed unreservedly pleased was my kid sister, Damilola -Dammy, she wanted a sibling and I was giving her one on a platter of diamonds. Wink*** .

Are you musing in your heart wondering who or where is the man with whom I shared the 'forbidden fruit'? The man? Hmmnnn...You don't want to know. As it is the case of when opportunistic older men take advantage of the naivety of younger, inexperienced and unsuspecting girls, lured with deceitful statements such as: "I love you", "I will take good care of you", "I will buy this for you, I will buy that for you"...so it was in my case. He left me hanging in the balance after learning about my pregnancy. My dear young girlfriend, any young man who tells you he loves you and is more concerned about messing with your body and not interested in seeing to your progress; spiritually, academically, emotionally and in other edifying ways DOES NOT love you...he is only LUSTING FOR YOUR BODY!  I can assure you that if you let him, the regret and the irrevocable shame will be yours. Need I tell you I speak from experience?

Friends indeed.

In your life's lowest moments you may lose 'friends' as it was in my case, but your travails will not only be characterised by losses, but also gains.  I made new friends who stood by me- friends indeed and in need; Ademola Adeniran, Seun Adewuyi , Bunmi Adetunji, Christiana Sanni, Engineering team FSE Ladoke Akintola University of Technology, Ogbomoso, Oyo State, Nigeria (LAUTECH), Roseline Ogunlade and a few more. To you all I say: "Thank you for not joining the crowd to judge me, for loving me and helping me. Your love, encouragements and support gave me the strength to face the world." To my old friends who stuck with me inspite of the shame and shared my shame with me- true friends, friends indeed; The Adiatus, Niyi Osunbade, Ema Amaechi, Abigail Ikhiede, etc. :"Thank you for still seeing the best in me."  Still, at a point, I  almost dropped out of school, not because Dad and Mum wouldnt pay my fees again, infact they were so wonderful and still are. Especially when on the 16th  of May, 2006, I had my daughter- Glory, Blondy, Zoe, Chelsea. Waaaoh!!! After all the shame, you can't imagine the boundless joy that filled me with the birth of my baby. The most precious thing to me. In a matter of weeks from today, she will be 5! Each time I look back to that 'September to remember', I remain convinced that one of the wisest and perhaps the most couragous decisions of my life that I ever made was to keep her and never get rid of her. She is a great star in the making and a source of favour. The events of her life till date prove so and as her mother, my intuition tells. My parents took full responsibility for her (the girl is actually theirs; by virtue of the way they cared for her) and yours truly-I just couldn't cope. That is why I value the support of my parents so much and that of my aforementioned friends especially Seun and Demola who 'bullied' me into staying back in school- I am glad they did. Sometimes, love is tough! That was what Seun and Demola showed me- tough love. To my first mentor-Oladele Olunike; you top my list of gratitude; for your unflinching support, counsels and encouragement.

Empowering young people.

My dear friend, (especially) the young girl who may be circa the age I was at the time of this experience, your studies, obedience to your parents and other constituted authorities should be your priorities at this time. I have learnt the hard way, you don't have to. Make my experience a lesson you should learn from. My dear friends who are parents (especially mothers like me) or aspiring parents, please know as I often like to say that: any faux pas in the upbringing of a child can mar its childhood and if not quickly salvaged can ruin such a destiny. Please make your child's upbringing a priority today so you don't face shame and experience heartache tomorrow. If you have a stubborn or heady child as I was years ago, perhaps what that child requires of you is better understanding, patience and friendliness. The error we parents make sometimes is that we don't allow our children express how they feel on issues concerning them, neither do we consider that their views are important. As long as we stifle our children, they will not be open to us, they will prefer to confide in inexperienced friends or boyfriends or girlfriends who may lead them astray as they sometimes do. I will also urge you to be an inspiring example to your children. Let your life inspire them to obedience and a life worthy of emulation than your words. Remember our children learn more from what we do before them than what we say to them. Perhaps you my dear friend reading this blog once found yourself in my shoes today; (having had a child out of wedlock and the baby's father rejected you and that experience had plunged you into a life of hardship), like I was and you think life is all over, the story of my life should inspire you differently. That one time naive, innocent, misled girl who got pregnant out of wedlock, today as a Child and Youth Development Strategist and Consultant, I devote my time to empowering young people for productive youth life. Through our youth-centric organisation- C.H.A.N.G.E. Catalysts, we facilitate a quarterly empowerment seminar for young people to educate them on sex education, emotional and sexual abuse therapeutic recovery, campaign against teenage pregnancy and such related matters. Over time, by the grace of God, the support of my family and good friends,  I have been able to pick up myself from my "Once Upon A Mess..." and turned my learnt lessons into "...a message now to bless." Same can be your story! I wish you all the best!   

"Train Up Your Child In The Way He Should Go..."

"Train up your child in the way he should go..."

Born on the 25th of December, 1986 as the youngest of 16 children of one of the richest men in Africa and the prominent former Chairman of First Bank of Nigeria and former Nigerian Federal Commissioner for Economic Development. His Nigerian mother, is the second of his father's two wives. 

He was raised initially in an affluent neighborhood of Kaduna, in the northern part of Nigeria, and at the family home in Nairobi, Kenya. As a young boy he attended the Essence International School in Kaduna, as well as classes at the Rabiatu Mutallib Institute for Arabic and Islamic Studies, which is named after his grandfather. As a child he enjoyed playing Play Station and basketball, but as he grew older he abandoned such pursuits in favour of striving to be more devoutly Islamic. According to one of his cousins, he condemned his father's banking profession as "immoral" and "un-Islamic" for charging interest, urging him to quit.

His formative years were characterised by his more independent thinking, values, ideals, attitude and disposition, influenced chiefly by having to school in distant countries beyond the needed parental attention. He had his high school in Togo, a west Africa country. Between 2004 and 2005  academic year, he studied at the San'a Institute for the Arabic Language in Sana'a, Yemen, and attended lectures at Iman University.

The long months that he spent away from parental grooming began to take a negative toll on him as he was hugely being influenced by the perspectives he cross-pollinated with in the different countries where he schooled as he grew up. This also found expression in many of his online postings between 2005 and 2007. Expressing loneliness, struggles with sexual thoughts and his many futile battles to control them.

University College London.

At University College London in September 2005, he began studying Engineering and Business Finance, and earned a degree in mechanical engineering in June 2008 still away from proper parental grooming, thereby affording him the liberty to grow in the way he thought best. Between January 2009 and July 2009, he attended a master's of international business degree program at University of Wollongong in Dubai. After his father consented to his request, he returned to the San'a Institute for the Arabic Language in Yemen to study Arabic, between August 2009 to December 2009. In the cause of all these trips in the guise of going for studies this boy had started rendezvousing with extremists and had been initiated into terrorism.

Northwest Airlines Flight 253 en route to Detroit.

On Christmas Day 2009, he traveled from Ghana to Amsterdam, where he boarded Northwest Airlines Flight 253 en route to Detroit. 20 minutes after this flight had been in the air, his attempt to blow up the aircraft with a deadly explosive which he concealed in his underwear was thankfully foiled.

Today, having been charged on December 26, 2009, in the United States District Court for the Eastern District of Michigan, with two criminal counts: attempting to blow up and placing a destructive device on a U.S. civil aircraft.  Additional charges were added in a grand jury indictment on January 6, 2010, including attempted use of a weapon of mass destruction and attempted murder of 289 people. He is incarcerated at the Federal Correctional Institution, Milan, Michigan, while awaiting further legal proceedings.  If he is convicted on the charges, he will face a life sentence plus 90 years in prison.          

By now you might have guessed the identity of the boy I have been X-raying his unfortunate life of parental neglect. I am talking about Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the one popularly referred to as the "underwear bomber".

That ancient wisdom instructed that we should : "Train up a child in the way he should go, when he grows up, he will not depart from it..." I am of the strong opinion that most of the juvenile deliquences that is ripping our society apart globally today is due to child grooming neglect. It is sad to realise that the focus of most of we parents have sadly shifted from our primary responsibility of "training up our children in the way they should go". Many of us make up the excuse of the need to be out there to find 'the daily bread' by which the family needs to get by. While I don't entirely disagree with that, however there is a place for fending for the children and another for being around to groom them into the proper children they should be tomorrow. We as parents, or aspiring parents need to realise that making all the money or material comfort we can garner, available for our children is not the only provision required to raise well groomed children. Our making out time to be around them, to instruct them, correct them, guide them, share moments with them, share their innermost thoughts or feelings, pray with them, play with them and more, go a long way to raising well groomed children who will not put us to shame 'tomorrow'.

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab (Underwear bomber).

Today, the sad story of Umar Farouk Adbulmutallab is that of one of millions out there ( who have been victims of child grooming neglect) whose reckless acts has ultimately brought shame to their parents, families and in Abdulmutallab's case, our country. I believe you have perhaps not forgotten in a hurry the humiliating pants down checks that Nigerians traveling to America in the wake of that incident 2 years ago were subjected to at the airports? Not to talk of the fact that Nigeria alongside some other 13 countries around the world were branded as terrorist countries by United States of America. Do you know what dent that impressed on our national image in the comity of nations, do you know its ripple effect on our economy, foreign investments etc.? The consequences are far reaching my friend.

You and I don't want to imagine the emotional agony that Alhaji Umar Abdulmutallab (Umar's father) , Hajiya Aisha Abdulmutallab (Umar's mother) and the entire Abudulmutallab family must have been going through since their son was charged and incarcerated at Federal Correctional Institution, Milan, Michigan, USA last year. Now if he is convicted on the charges, he will face a life sentence plus 90 years in prison. All because his parents failed in their parental responsibility of "training up their child in the way he should go..."
This family will lose their son for life if convicted. How can we imagine a parent living with that for life? May we not lose our children. That Yoruba adage ( of the people from the western part of Nigeria) couldn't have been better put: "The child we do not train today, is the one that will squander tomorrow the wealth we accrue." We can avert tomorrow, the squandering of what we are 'sweating' to accrue today, by simply "training up our children in the way they should go...."