This current post is a sequel to my penultimate post as one may realise that it is not possible to satisfactorily exhaust the cogent issues on "Peer Pressure" in just one blog post. Hence I have captioned this "Overcoming Peer Pressure." In preparing for this post, as my custom is, in addition to my existing knowledge on my subject, personal experiences, I also search out what other authorities on my subject have said or are saying. In doing this I pleasingly stumbled on a number of short articles by notable authorities that satisfactorily deals with different segments of what I intend to share with you on the above subject. Waoh! How pleasing? So my thinking at this discovery was, "why should I re-invent the wheel" when what I intend to write on has been written in the way I want it shared? So in view of this, for the first time in the life of our blog- C.H.A.N.G.E. Catalysts, I will be making this post a compilation of short articles on different segments of my subject to make up what I intend to share with you. I will also ethically acknowledge the sources of this snippets. As my style is I will through this post be talking to both children and parents.
Please enjoy the excerpts below arranged under different sub-topics that holistically helps with "Overcoming Peer Pressure"
I hear parents say, "My kids don't talk to me about any thing". My question is, are you waiting for them to speak first? If you never taught them how to talk to you, then you should understand why they won't talk to you. Children learn from parents setting the example on so many things.
Most of the experts say that peer pressure starts in kindergarten or first grade. Some think it starts between eight and ten years old. To me it doesn't matter when it starts, its when you start teaching your child how to deal with it. Peer pressure forces them to make decisions they may not be ready to make. For that reason some will choose to drink alcohol, smoke, try drugs and even start having sex. Do you want your children making these choices unprepared?
I feel babies even a few months old can learn. If you are talking to them, playing games, laughing, or just holding them, they can learn. They don't understand what's going on now, but if you keep doing these things every day of every month of every year they will, at some point, begin to imitate you. So if from the beginning you do nothing then don't wonder why you can't connect when they are 13 years old. The future for a baby is blank and it's up to you, parents, to give them the skills to learn how to make the right choices.
You need to print the information, study it and go over it with your child.
This will get you started in helping your children make the right choices when they encounter peer pressure.
Peer pressure is when a child does something he or she does not want to do as a result of being pressured by peers. All children experience peer pressure and give in to it at one time or another. Here are some steps parents can take to minimize its effects:
Family is important to teens:
* Develop a close, open, and honest relationship with your children so that children will want to identify with and work to please their parents. These children are much more likely to come to their parents when they are in trouble or are having problems. Talk to children about morals and values -- the best defense against peer pressure.
* Help children understand peer pressure so they will be better able to stand up to peer pressure and the suggestions of bad companions. Let them know peer pressure is something all children and adults experience at some time and it is normal to want to fit in. Gangs are less attractive to children who get their needs met at home.
* Plan regular and frequent activities the whole family can participate in such as picnics, hiking, sports, etc. Parents who spend quality time develop close relationships with their children; thus children are less likely to give in to peer pressure or gangs. "The family has to be the better gang."
Louis Gonzales, Ph.D.
Stay Involved in Your Child's Life
* Encourage friendships with positive role models and join groups or activities which involve interacting with positive role models, (i.e. scouting, sports, church groups)
* Get to know our children’s friends and their parents to see if they are a positive influence, and have similar values.
* Know where your children are and what they are doing. Supervise them at home and know where they are, whom they are with and what they are doing.
* Don"t criticize the children's friends who might be a bad influence. They will become defensive and continue to be with them. Do discuss specific behaviors and actions. "It seems like every time you are with Tom you get grounded."
* Encourage a wide variety of friends. This promotes individuality and makes it less likely for children to give in to peer pressure from any one group.
* Teach responsibility. Responsible children consider their options. They tend to cooperate more consciously than "people-pleasers," (children who are motivated by approval) by considering their options rather than automatically making choices to avoid conflict or negative reactions from someone.
Encourage individuality and independence by modeling or demonstrating those behaviors. Parents who resist peer pressure are teaching their children to do the same. Discuss independence with our children and stress the importance of being one’s own person and doing what one feels is right.
Teach assertiveness through role playing so that children will be able to standup for what they believe is right. We can also teach problem solving when children are faced with peer pressure by suggesting alternative activities or explaining why they refuse to participate in a certain activity.
Praise assertiveness—behavior that is praised is much more likely to be repeated.
Provide appropriate discipline when children give into peer pressure such as restitution, restricting privileges, or not letting the child spend time with the friend or friends with whom he got into trouble.
If you are suspicious your child may have given in to peer pressure, try to figure out the reason the child has given into peer pressure and address it. If they lack self-confidence or self-esteem, then work on building those qualities.
Seek help if a child is consistently giving into peer pressure.
Signs of Peer Pressure:
* Excessive demands for material things his friends has
* Disregarding your rules in order to do things with friends
* Stealing with friends
* Any hint of alcohol or drugs
* Teens seriously misleading you about friends or whereabouts
* Doing things to avoid rejection, like complying or conforming with friends
Show Teens We Care:
* Always take time to really listen
* Give children privacy; teens need space
* Be accepting of our children, not too critical
* Don't rush the teen years or raise false expectations
* Develop a strong sense of family unity by spending time together
* Talk about sex, drugs and alcohol!
Culled from A-Better-Child.org
Your child faces a number of tough decisions in her life. Since making friends and fitting in are important to many children, peer pressure has a big impact on decisions, especially on those about drug, alcohol, and tobacco use. Children may be afraid that if they say no to something harmful, they won't be accepted. It is important that you teach your child about the dangers of drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. Other important skills your child needs are refusal skills. If you teach her how to say no to dangerous situations, she will feel more confident in her decisions. There are a number of ways your child can refuse drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. Following is a guide for teaching your child refusal skills.
Say, "No, thanks." It could be just as easy as that! However, if the person offering the cigarette, beer, or joint persists, your child will have to back up her "No thanks" with other tactics.
Be a broken record. Tell your child to keep saying no as many times as he needs to, either to cause the person pressuring them to stop, or to stall until he can think of something else to say.
Give a reason. This reason could be simply, "I'm not allowed to do that," or, "That's bad for you." It could state the consequences, such as, "I don't want to do that; it will make me sick," or, "You can die from doing that." The important thing is that your child state her reason for saying no with confidence. It's important for your child not to get into an argument; the goal is to refuse what is being offered.
Walk away or ignore the offer. This doesn't work in all situations. Sometimes your child will be alone or in some other situation where he can't walk away.
Change the subject or suggest doing something else. By saying, "Let's do... instead," your child has the potential to not only refuse an offer of drugs, alcohol, or tobacco, but to prevent a friend from using them too.
Assert yourself. This is an important part of all the above tactics. If your child can stick up for herself, she is learning an important life skill. Being able to state your position assertively is a trait that we value in adults, so if your child learns it now, she will be better off in the future.
Remember, the best way to refuse drugs, alcohol, and tobacco is to spend time with people who don't use these substances. Help your children establish positive friendships, and monitor your child's activities.
-Put It Into Practice
Once you teach your child refusal skills, it is important that you practice them with him. Different aged children may face different situations, and it's important to make sure you practice with situations that may actually happen. Start by asking your child what he does when someone tries to get him to do something he doesn't want to do. Do a number of role-play situations in which you pose as the offerer, and have your child practice different ways to say "no." When you are finished, your child should feel confident that he has the power to make the right choice.
Culled from http://www.family.samhsa.gov/teach/refusal.aspx
Standing up to peer pressure is one of the greatest challenges that children face. Many are unable to stand up to the challenge and are led into participating in risky or even illegal activities. Help your child deal with peer pressures by doing the following:
1. Strengthen the bond with your child. He will be more likely to respect your views and values and better able to resist peer pressure if he has a good relationship with you and feels you are a source of support. This bond needs to be nurtured long before your child's teenage years.
2. Promote your child's self-esteem. Children who are confident and have positive self-worth are more likely to pursue friendships with children who are good role models and better able to resist negative peer pressure. Find opportunities to boost your child's self-esteem and enjoy success by involving him in activities that capitalise on his strengths and interests. And, of course, praise him for things he does well at home.
3. Set a good example. Your child is a keen observer of what you do and may learn more from what he sees than what he hears. If he sees that you are constantly striving to keep up with other parents, he will likely do the same with his peers. If he sees you drinking and smoking, he is less likely to resist engaging in these behaviors. If you do drink or smoke, giving it up will make a vivid impression on him.
4. Talk with your child about peer pressure. Let your child know that you understand how hard it can be at his age to do things that make him stand out. Tell him that his peers may respect his decision not to join them in an activity even though they may not express it, and that some may even admire his courage in resisting what they could not. Help him understand that a friend who is pressuring him to do something that may be harmful is not much of a friend. Appeal to his desire for autonomy by encouraging him not to let others manipulate or make decisions for him.
5. Avoid overreacting when talking about peer issues. Your child may tell you things that may make your jaw drop. If you overreact, you will discourage him from talking with you about these issues again. At the same time use these teachable moments to introduce some cautions without moralising or lecturing. Although it may seem as though he is dismissing what you are saying, he will hear you.
6. Choose your battles carefully. Don't make an issue out of your child's wanting to wear the same clothes as his friends or adopt a trendy hairstyle. Make your stand on high-risk peer behavior. Battling your child constantly over minor issues may drive your child toward peers who are similarly alienated from their parents. Not sweating the small stuff will enable you to be more effective when you challenge him on the larger issues.
7. Help your child develop good decision-making skills. If he can learn to trust his own instincts when making decisions, he will be less likely to let others make decisions for him. Encourage him to think through the possible consequences of the decision he is facing, including whether it may cause him harm. Let him know that giving in to the pressure now may make life harder for him later on.
8. Help your child develop responses to peers. Help him figure out what to say to peers who are pressuring him to participate in high-risk activities. Suggest responses that are short and simple and that he can say comfortably. If he is receptive, role-play with him or encourage him to practice in front of a mirror.
9. Get to know your child's friends. Make a point of encouraging your child to invite his friends home. Spend some time with them and assess whether they are positive influences.
10. Don't hesitate to set limits for your child. Your willingness to say no to him sets a good example and may help give him the courage to say no to a peer when faced with a potentially harmful situation.
Culled from http://www.freearticles.com/article/10-Ways-You-Can-Help-Your-Child-Cope-With-Peer-Pressure/668
I must say at this juncture that the task of helping our children overcome peer pressure is one that knows no end. Infact we as parents must make it as part of our parental grooming skills as soon as we begin to raise children biological or as caregivers to others. One thing is important; our tact in handling this task with our children/teens. How tactful we are determines a great deal the success we come out with.
Peer pressure (negative) like every behaviourial challenge can be overcome by our children/ teens but we must be there for them as their greatest backbone to walk them through it. One fulfilling thing is if we succeed with them, they will succeed with others (friends of theirs). To parents who are about throwing in the towel on redeeming your children/ teens on the 'prodigal journey' that negative peer pressure has taken them there is hope if you will apply assiduously these few suggestions I have sourced out for you. I wish you and your children/ teens all the best! You will succeed with them!
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