Angry Nigerian Children Write Jonathan Over Blasts.

Dear Mr. President,

We should say Merry Christmas but we are not your goverment, we are not in the business of deception. After almost ten hours of gathering your thoughts to speak on the bomb blasts that rocked the nation yesterday, you still fell short of your own very low standards. What did you intend to say when you said Bomb Blasts are a burden we must live with? Why do you bother to budget over a trillion for security if we must live the burden of insecurity? How come you are still a president? We do not blame you, we blame our older ones who were stupid enough to think that where you come from and your religion was all you needed to be a competent president.
They are crying now. We all cried yesterday on the darkest Christmas day of our short lives. While we cried and left Christmas postponed for another year, we watched as you danced your life away like there was no tomorrow. Is it true that all you care about is the fact that you are the president so whatever can happen should happen. Last night we prayed for you. We prayed that the white men should be able to make common sense so that we can budget for it and then you will have it in abundance. As it is, it is obvious sir that you are grossly lacking in common sense. If you weren’t, you would never come out to tell a mourning nation that it should get ready to live with the burden of destruction and insecurity. That was utterly insensitive and even the dumbest of our mates, fellow Nigerian children would never descend that low to an unprecedented level of cluelessness.
We understand this is not a sane country, if this was a sane country, your likes will not be in a job. Your security chiefs, yourself and your cabinet would have been throwing resignation letters left right and centre. But then, here is a place where people are satisfied with just being in positions, that they are clueless about what to do in such positions does not matter.
Mr. President, Boko Haram defeated you in 2011. What plans are you making for 2012? Do you realise they have since improved while your security tactics remain stop and search? Do you realise they are far more coordinated than ever before? Have you thought of engaging more intelligence in curbing this menace instead of just mere brute? Yes, you have issues with concentrating for long, why not budget for a concentrator? That way you are conditioned to at least focus on being the president of Nigeria instead of our national chief chef? You are wondering where that came from? It came from cassava bread sir. You chose the menu for 2012 but we hope you realise that Boko Haram certainly has a menu.
Please Mr. President, they will look to attack again in the New Year, do what you have never done before, get your security chiefs to prevent that by all means. Contrary to your assertion, we are not prepared to live with the burden of bomb blasts. Get yourself to work and stop excusing your inability to deal with Boko Haram on the premise that they are a necessity. What is that? If you cannot lead and be a president, help yourself and resign. Please take your vice-president along. You are a twin set of incompetence.
This letter has been written with kind words, not because we are in the mood to be nice to you but because we are children and respect is a value we want to live with but our lack of it sometimes is a burden you must live with as long as you force us to live with your Boko Haram burden.
We wrote you a letter on subsidy yesterday but we figured it would be better to send this before you get our other letter. As long as your cluelessness reigns supreme in this country, we will always remind you of our angst and stake in this nation. It is not by force to live in Aso Rock. So if you must, do the right things, say the right things and learn to get the basic things right.

The Bomb Blasts darkened our Christmas but your response dampened our mood even further. This is not the way to lead a people. If you need help, we will nominate one of us to offer you words of wisdom for free. As it is, you look overwhelmed by the mere job of providing security for Nigeria let alone the other duties you swore to carry out for Nigeria.
Action point: Sack yourself sir, and take Arc. Namadi Sambo along. It is a good place to start.
Signed:

Association of Conscious Nigerian Children (ACNC)

Posted On Monday, December 26, 2011 By Japh. Under ARTICLES 

http://omojuwa.com/?p=2086

Young Girl Raped By 5 Boys In ABSU!!!

"At first an untrue source said one of the boys met the victim on the 2go social network site and probably they later agreed to hook up which eventually led to the gang-raping of the victim.

I have never in my entire life seen such a gross rape scene before. To say I am heartbroken is an understatement. I still feel so sorry for the girl as I felt the first time I saw the video. I bet there is no mother who would see such video without weeping.

The victim is a female student of Abia State University who was gang-raped by 5 boys from the same Abia State University exactly on August 16th (Tuesday), 2011. The horrifying scene originally lasted for more than an hour on video which was recorded by the culprits themselves as they took their devilish turn on their victim. Originally she was said to have offended one of the boys whom she insulted and that’s why she was being punished.

The scene began with a fight-back from the girl in which she was unfortunately overpowered, followed by series of beatings and torture from the boys, including threatening to kill her if she proved stubborn again. By this time, the poor and helpless girl had already cried her eyes out and was later pleading with them. The indescribable and roller coaster torture climaxed at an unbearable zenith that she began to beg them to be killed saying in her own words: “you people should just kill me". She also pleaded with them that her aunt would have been looking for her that she wanted to go and meet her. One of the boys replied saying: “e be like say you no know who I be, I am an IT student and I will drop you off with my car”. She  kept pleading both in Igbo and English language, while this heinous act continued unabated. One of the boys even threatened to lock her in the room and keep on raping her for the next two days if she failed to co-operate with them. Still they kept on taking turns and changing positions on her while she kept begging to be killed that she couldn't bear the pain anymore.

Names were mentioned in the video but unclearly though. If I'm not mistaking the names of the 5 man-gang-rapists are UCHENNA, ZAKI, IFEANYI (UGBAANYI) WISDOM and the last guy; CHISOM. One of them according to voices that could be heard from the video is a 400 level Law student and one of them is an IT student. Only the girl's face could be clearly seen in the video while the boys avoided facing the camera in the course of the recording.

This girl is a human being like you and I, so why on earth must she be treated in this dastardly manner, as though she were an animal all in the name of punishing her? As at the time of my blogging on this incident, the matter had gotten to the seat of power of in the state, that is the executive governor of Abia state who was said to have promised to look into the matter. 

This girl is a future wife and mother. I believe she has friends or someone in or around the campus who in one way or the other may know these culprits, this is calling on such to please make immediate reports so as to alleviate the shame of this stigma on this poor girl and eventually apprehend are heartless assailants."

The rapists have been declared wanted: #200,000 reward has also been pledged for any useful information that can lead to the apprehension of these criminals. 

Ever since the video of this dastardly act found its way unto the Internet after being passed around the campus by these boys, many Internet users especially the social network sites users have expressed outrage at this  incident, but sadly, few could do anything about it. So I decided to offer a financial reward to anyone who could provide information that would lead to the arrest of the suspects. A few other Twitter friends who were as incensed as I was are also chipping in. For the sake of their privacy, I won’t mention their names.

So if you have any information that can lead to the arrest and prosecution of all five suspects please send an email to info@eienigeria.org. The identity of anyone who provides such information will be protected. The reward for providing this information is #200,000 (Two Hundred Thousand Naira only). You can read the tweets on this matter at my Twitter handle @OKshorty1

For more on this story;

Please kindly visit http://www.sugabellyrocks.com/2011/09/i-am-calling-human-flesh-search.html

You may post your contributions below.

It is said that: "if ants can cooperate they will tie up a lion." Please kindly share this information with your friends and let us together use the collective and effectual will and might of the youth to help catch and apprehend these animals in human skin! 

Thank you and God bless you.

Culled from myschoolcomm- Posted: 20-Sep-2011 [11:16:19] into General by myschoolcomm for ABSU.

My Bulging Belly.

My bulging belly told a story;
Of an act done in the secret,
A sweet fruit eaten unlawfully,
Thought will remain a secret,
But it eventually came to limelight,
My bulging belly gave me out.

My bulging belly told a story;
But nobody could feel the pain within,
Only I knew the turmoil and skips of my heart,
Prying eyes and mocking jeers,
People whisper: "she is not married",
I will carry the weight of my cross.

My bulging belly told a story;
A childhood and youthfulness given up too soon,
Nine months of fear, shame, tears and pain,
Streaming tears every night lulling me to sleep,
Fear of stepping out every morning,
The whole world seemed against me.

My bulging belly told a story;
I didn't have the strength,
I had cried my strength away,
I had a primary responsibility to myself,
To become the best I can be,
I braced myself for the 'fight' ahead!

My bulging belly told a story;
I decided to live life without regrets,
For you-MY ANGEL,
You didn't deserve to be born in gloom,
I braced up, tied my shoe laces,
Ready to face the world.

My bulging belly told a story;
You are the best 'thing' to happen to me,
The joys that are ahead of us,
Are enormous and abundant,
We will live everyday to the fullest,
As we make each other smile.

My bulging belly told a story;
I will protect you!
From the travails of life,
I gave you life,
You gave me a reason to live,
I don't have the bulging belly no more.

Child Abuse: Silent Generational Killer.

After eight years of waiting to have a child with attendant perpetual threat of being sent off her matrimonial home by in-laws, Chinwe had a bundle of joy, Chizoba. She was all she and her husband looked forward to. Suddenly Chinwe became the jewel of her in-laws after finally bearing them a child.(In the African setting, a wife that bears no child is of little or no value to her in-laws). Not too long after, Chigozie (another child-boy) came forth after her and also Chineye. As though from one challenge to the other, Chinwe's husband lost her job within the space of eight years that their three children came. Everywhere her husband sort for employment nothing fruitful came as hard as he tried. Chinwe, who has hitherto not been in active work, (as full time house wife) rose up to support her home by taking to bread and sachet water selling. She soon co-opted her eldest child, Chizoba into this family 'crusade' for economic revival. While she -Chinwe goes to hawk bread, she sends Chizoba to hawk sachet water along side in traffic. Their little effort each evening was fetching the family some meager income. On one fateful evening, as Chinwe and Chizoba went on their sales trip, whilst running after a bus to collect money from a customer who bought two sachets of water in a moving bus, she ran into the path of a fast moving motorcycle. This motorcycle rider knocked Chizoba down and sped off before he could be lynched by the angry mob. As the well meaning Samaritans picked Chizoba up and got her into a vehicle to get her to the nearest hospital to save her life, other onlookers cursed    saying : "which careless woman could have been so callous to ask such a minor to go hawk in the traffic?" On the way to the hospital, Chizoba having lost so much blood, gave up the ghost. It took a painstaking effort after a few days to locate her parents and home. Apparently Chinwe and her husband had been gripped with fear for days thinking their daughter had been kidnaped. Sadly, a greater horror awaited them. On breaking the news to Chinwe and her husband, it was too much for them to bear for a daughter that took eight years for them to get. Who is to blame? Chizoba's parents, poverty or child abuse?



*What Is Child Abuse?

Child abuse is the physical, sexual, emotional mistreatment, or neglect of children. It is also any act or series of acts of commission or omission by a parent or other caregiver that results in harm, potential for harm, or threat of harm to a child.
Child abuse can also be seen as a situation whereby the fundamental human rights of a child is tampered with. That is, the child is not given adequate care and protection as its the responsibility of every parent to take care of their children. These rights are rights to education, religion, freedom, movement, shelter etc.

Although child abuse occurs, it has received and is given little attention.
Child abuse is more than bruises and broken bones. While physical abuse might be the most visible sign,other types of abuse, such as emotional abuse or child neglect,also leave deep long lasting scars.
Child abuse doesn't only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, economic, religious and cultural lines.


* Categories Of Child Abuse-

-Child sexual abuse
-Psychological/emotional abuse
-Physical abuse
-Verbal abuse
-Neglect
-Child labour

*Causes Of Child Abuse-

"Child abuse is a problem no one really talks about. Abuse and neglect is the number 1 cause of injury to children in the country. More children die of abuse or neglect than of natural causes." --Donna Miller

Child abuse is a complex phenomenon with multiple causes. Understanding the causes of abuse is crucial to addressing the problem of child abuse.

The causes of child abuse are multi-faceted and can't be narrowed down to a single cause. Oftentimes, there are multiple factors at play. For instance, a father may be an alcoholic and part of a family system that is caught up in a cycle of abuse that spans generations of the family. In this case, the alcoholic may be a contributing factor to the dysfunction, but there is also the generational factor to consider.

Thus, in analyzing the causes of child abuse, it's easier to break it down into sub-categories which put children at risk for abuse and neglect. These include the social-economic causes of child abuse, the family environment, parental profile, and child-related characteristics. The term "causes of child abuse" is in reality talking about the conditions which may make child abuse more likely.

*Causes Of Child Abuse Under Three Major Causes- 


*Social-Economic Causes-

1. Family Income Level-
The U.S. government's Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect (NIS-3) found that compared to families with incomes over $30,000 a year, children in families with incomes less than $15,000 a year: were almost 14 times more likely to be harmed by some variety of abuse almost 16 times more likely to be a victim of physical abuse
almost 18 times more likely to be sexually abused. To give you some idea of what "poor" means in the U.S., the 2009 poverty level in the United States for a family of 4 is $22,050. The 2009 poverty level for a family of 2 is $14,570.

The National Coalition for Child Protection Reform makes the case that sometimes economic conditions and the way the laws are written unfairly tarnish the poor with abuse claims. For example, if a single mother of two confined to a wheelchair lost her housekeeping help due to state or federal budget cuts, her filthy house could become grounds to take her children away. She would thus be "neglecting" her children and they may end up being put up for foster care adoption. However, it was because she could not afford to keep house, not because she intentionally neglected her children.

 2. Differing Cultural Values-
The line for what constitutes child abuse is different across cultures all over the world. For instance, the standards for what constitutes accepted forms of physical punishment differs across the world. For instance, in Nigeria, as it is in the case of Chinwe and her daughter Chizoba who lost her life as a result of child abuse, it is yet to be widely accepted here in Nigeria, Africa and most third world countries that for children to help out in the income generation of the family is child abuse. (Hence such an awareness as this by us at C.H.A.N.G.E. Catalysts and many other like minded not-for-profit organisations in Nigeria. In South Korea if a high school student came in drunk to class, the teacher would be well within his rights to "beat him up" with his fists. Obviously, these examples would be unacceptable in the U.S. Canada or Europe.

 3. Institutionalised Manifestations Of Abuse-
Sometimes, institutionalised practices and/or norms end up making the environment hospitable for child abuse. For instance, cultural and societal norms protecting female circumcision (also referred to as female genital cutting or female genital mutilation) "institutionalise" this practice in certain parts of the world. In the United States female genital mutilation became a federal crime effective April 1997. Typically, FGC is performed by women with no medical training (and no anesthetic) and involves removing the clitoris and possibly sewing up the girl or woman's vagina. The clitoris is the part of the woman's vagina responsible for feelings of sexual pleasure. You can already see why it's such a barbaric form of child abuse. Even though there is campaign against such acts in Africa and Nigeria, there are still pockets of such acts staunchly institutionally supported in some parts of Africa. But it's the institutionalised attitudes of the society that allow it to happen. Some of these attitudes include believing it will ensure their daughters are seen as "pure" by potential husbands and will ensure she remains faithful to her husband in the future.


*Family Environment-

1. Domestic Violence-
When domestic violence is present, one parent may not be able to protect the child from another parent's abusive behaviour because that parent is also being abused. Children may be harmed while trying to protect a parent from domestic violence or as a result of the violence.

2. Single Parents-
Studies found that children of single parents were at higher risk of physical abuse and of all types of neglect and were overrepresented among seriously injured, moderately injured, and endangered children. Typically, a single parent family has less income than a two-parent household and the single parent is trying to do the job of two parents. Thus, in the worst cases, their lack of adequate social and economic supports may make the conditions ripe for abuse.

3. Child-Rearing Practices-
In the United States, immigrants (like Africans, Asians) immigrate with their cultural heritage, including how to parent children. What may not have been considered child abuse in their home country could be construed as abuse in the U.S. In addition, child-rearing practices that are more punishment-oriented create a greater risk of child abuse.


*Parental Profile-

1. Age Of he Parents-
Teenage parents are at high risk for abusing their children because they themselves are not fully developed adults. They are not as well-equipped to respond to the needs of their children because theirs may have not been met.

2. Low Self-Confidence-
Parents with low self-esteem are more susceptible to abusing their children because they often see themselves as worthless and may take out their feelings of inadequacy on their children.

3. Past History Of Abuse-
Parents with a past history of abuse may repeat their own experiences with their children if they did not come to terms with it and learn new coping strategies and skills.

 4. Drug And Alcohol Problems-
Parents with drug and alcohol problems are at a much higher risk of abusing their children. Parents with drug and alcohol problems are 3 times more likely to physically or sexually assault their children than those parents without such problems.

5. Mental Health Problems-
Parents suffering from depression or a psychiatric illness are at a much higher risk of abusing and/or neglecting their children's needs.

6. Low Prevalence Of Social Ties-
Parents with abusive "secrets" to keep may shun community contact and have few family connections to provide other means of social support needed by the children.


7. Refusal To Believe Their Way Of Parenting Is Wrong-
An entitlement mentality of "This is the way I was raised and I turned out just fine" as a way to justify abusive parenting tactics.

8. The parent is mentally handicapped in a way that doesn't enable him or her to provide proper care for their child (ren).

9. Having unrealistic expectations for their children and little knowledge of the developmental stages children go through.

Children need predictability, structure, clear boundaries, and the knowledge that their parents and everyone is looking out for their safety.

*Statistics On Child Abuse- 

The child abuse statistics around the world indicate that the number and rate of deaths due to child abuse and neglect have been increasing in general. These estimates are influenced by which countries report data. Some of the increase can be traced to the improved data collection and recording, but not all causes of the increase can be identified.

Studies show that girls are 3 times more likely to be sexually assaulted than boys. However, boys were 24% more likely to be seriously injured than girls and were 18% more likely to be neglected than girls.

For 2005, the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System (NCANDS) reported an estimated 1,460 child fatalities. This translates to a rate of 1.96 children per 100,000 children in the general population. NCANDS defines "child fatality" as the death of a child caused by an injury resulting from abuse or neglect, or where abuse or neglect was a contributing factor.
Research indicates children aged 3 years or less are most often the victims of child fatalities.

*Child Abuse Statistics Regarding Family Structure-

Children of single parents were at higher risk of physical abuse and of all types of neglect and were overrepresented among seriously injured, moderately injured, and endangered children. Compared with their counterparts living with both parents, children in single-parent families had:

1. A 77% greater risk of being harmed by physical abuse (using the stringent Harm Standard) and a 63% greater risk of experiencing any countable physical abuse (using the Endangerment Standard)

2. An 87% greater risk of being harmed by physical neglect and a 165% greater risk of experiencing any countable physical neglect.

3. 74% greater risk of being harmed by emotional neglect and a 64% greater risk of experiencing any countable emotional neglect.

4. 220% (or more than three times) greater risk of being educationally neglected.

5. An approximately 80% greater risk of suffering serious injury or harm from abuse or neglect.

6. An approximately 90% greater risk of receiving moderate injury or harm as a result of child maltreatment.

7. A 120% (or more than two times) greater risk of being endangered by some type of child abuse or neglect.

8. Among children in single-parent households, those living with only their fathers were approximately one and two-thirds times more likely to be physically abused than those living with only their mothers

*Effects Of Child Abuse-

Think about the effects of child abuse as recovering from a bad case of the flu. It's doable, but as with recovering from any kind of sickness, it's helpful to understand what's going on. When you understand how past child abuse impacts you today, then you begin to see the areas you need to work on and steps you can take to enhance your recovery.


-What are some child abuse effects for adult survivors?

1. Feeling guilty for no apparent reason (excessive apologising to others for the smallest of mistakes).

2. Feeling depressed or completely alone.

3. Trouble recalling events (can't remember that movie you saw two days ago?)

4. Weight or body image issues.

5. Drug or alcohol problems.

6. You find it difficult to be happy and wonder why everyone else is so happy all the time.

7. Poor performance at school or work.

8. You feel like your life is out of control

9. You think about suicide on a regular basis.

10. You have trouble receiving compliments from others.

11. You have trouble giving or receiving affection (e.g., you find it hard to hug others).

12. You have trouble with healthy, intimate relationships.

If any of the above sounds like what you experience (or have experienced) on an ongoing basis, you may be suffering from the effects of child abuse. Congratulations for making it this far! It shows you're thinking seriously about your personal development and what you need to do to help yourself heal.


*Simple Steps for Dealing With the Effects of Child Abuse In Addition To Therapy That Will Enhance Your Recovery

Here are some simple things for you to try in terms of coping with the above effects. These are not substitutes for finding a good therapist to help you work out your issues. It's like recovering from the flu - these are things you can do that will enhance your recovery.

1. Exercise - Hit the gym, go for a jog, or any other physical activity. Besides helping to release endorphins (the brain chemicals that help make us happy), exercise is good for weight control and confidence building.

2. Find a hobby you enjoy that relaxes you and engages you at the same time (not television). Try to imagine what you would like to do all day if you could. Would you sail? Knit? Write a book? Pick something that supercharges your imagination or taps into a skill you'd like to improve or learn.

3. Take 15-20 minutes a day and meditate. Breathe in and out slowly. Try sitting still. Focus on your breath. Try to still your mind. Let the thoughts go quietly out of your mind. If you find it hard to relax and focus while you meditate, you may want to try this meditation audio program. It has helped a great many relax and recover.

4. Spiritual exercises (prayers, fasting, deliverance, counseling, fellowship etc.) will be of great therapeutic help in a world that is fast losing grip of real solutions to lives ever teeming challenges that defy human wisdom.

*Ridding Our Society Of Child Abuse-

1. The place of continuous and massive global awareness campaigns, such as this article through this blog is aimed at can't be over emphasised. Our people of different cultures, races, beliefs, practices need to be educated on this societal ill so as to rid our society of it. This is not to say there hasn't be this over the decades, but the realities of our times proves that this campaign must never stop as our societies are dynamic and ever metamorphosising.

2. This campaign can also be achieved by other means such as : education, walks, symposium, seminars, conferences, active advocacy, reformation in children friendly Government policies, enforcement of child rights etc.

"A society that takes for granted the care of its children is subtly mortgaging its future and signing on for generational genocide."
-Oladele Olunike, C.O.O The Richmond Johnson Academy For Social Polish.

Ridding our society of this subtle killer of our future-children and promoter of a deformed society should be the collective concern of all of us whether you are a child advocate or not, as there is no doubt that you my reader are someone's child, a victim of child abuse, a would-be parent or a part of our society. Hence this onus is on all of us to arise like never before to make child abuse a thing of the past.

Overcoming Peer Pressure.

In my penultimate post titled "Beware Of Peer Pressure", I extensively dealt with this subject and it is my belief that quite a number of those of you our dear readers/ visitors to our blog so far found our views very enriching and helpful...teeming readers/ visitors are still swelling and we are receiving very encouraging feedback from different parts of the globe. Thanks to your thirst to find helpful solutions to personal challenges. While some of you our dear readers/ visitors are just expressing your good taste for knowledge and to keep getting informed. For it was the sixteenth President of America, Abraham Lincoln who said: "You are old, whether at eighty or at twenty when you STOP to learn." (Emphasis mine). So I urge you like me, to keep seeking to get informed.

This current post is a sequel to my penultimate post as one may realise that it is not possible to satisfactorily exhaust the cogent issues on "Peer Pressure" in just one blog post. Hence I have captioned this "Overcoming Peer Pressure." In preparing for this post, as my custom is, in addition to my existing knowledge on my subject, personal experiences, I also search out what other authorities on my subject have said or are saying. In doing this I pleasingly stumbled on a number of short articles by notable authorities that satisfactorily deals with different segments of what I intend to share with you on the above subject. Waoh!  How pleasing? So my thinking at this discovery was, "why should I re-invent the wheel" when what I intend to write on has been written in the way I want it shared? So in view of this, for the first time in the life of our blog- C.H.A.N.G.E. Catalysts, I will be making this post a compilation of short articles on different segments of my subject to make up what I intend to share with you. I will also ethically acknowledge the sources of this snippets. As my style is I will through this post be talking to both children and parents.

Please enjoy the excerpts below arranged under different sub-topics that holistically helps with "Overcoming Peer Pressure"

Peer pressure is more of a problem than ever. Our children deal with more pressures from more directions than ever. The most important weapon is talking daily with your kids.

I hear parents say, "My kids don't talk to me about any thing". My question is, are you waiting for them to speak first? If you never taught them how to talk to you, then you should understand why they won't talk to you. Children learn from parents setting the example on so many things.

Most of the experts say that peer pressure starts in kindergarten or first grade. Some think it starts between eight and ten years old. To me it doesn't matter when it starts, its when you start teaching your child how to deal with it. Peer pressure forces them to make decisions they may not be ready to make. For that reason some will choose to drink alcohol, smoke, try drugs and even start having sex. Do you want your children making these choices unprepared?

I feel babies even a few months old can learn. If you are talking to them, playing games, laughing, or just holding them, they can learn. They don't understand what's going on now, but if you keep doing these things every day of every month of every year they will, at some point, begin to imitate you. So if from the beginning you do nothing then don't wonder why you can't connect when they are 13 years old. The future for a baby is blank and it's up to you, parents, to give them the skills to learn how to make the right choices.

You need to print the information, study it and go over it with your child.
This will get you started in helping your children make the right choices when they encounter peer pressure.

-About Peer Pressure

Peer pressure is when a child does something he or she does not want to do as a result of being pressured by peers. All children experience peer pressure and give in to it at one time or another. Here are some steps parents can take to minimize its effects:

Family is important to teens:

* Develop a close, open, and honest relationship with your children so that children will want to identify with and work to please their parents. These children are much more likely to come to their parents when they are in trouble or are having problems. Talk to children about morals and values -- the best defense against peer pressure.

* Help children understand peer pressure so they will be better able to stand up to peer pressure and the suggestions of bad companions. Let them know peer pressure is something all children and adults experience at some time and it is normal to want to fit in. Gangs are less attractive to children who get their needs met at home.

* Plan regular and frequent activities the whole family can participate in such as picnics, hiking, sports, etc. Parents who spend quality time develop close relationships with their children; thus children are less likely to give in to peer pressure or gangs. "The family has to be the better gang."
 Louis Gonzales, Ph.D.
Stay Involved in Your Child's Life

* Encourage friendships with positive role models and join groups or activities which involve interacting with positive role models, (i.e. scouting, sports, church groups)

* Get to know our children’s friends and their parents to see if they are a positive influence, and have similar values.

* Know where your children are and what they are doing. Supervise them at home and know where they are, whom they are with and what they are doing.

* Don"t criticize the children's friends who might be a bad influence. They will become defensive and continue to be with them. Do discuss specific behaviors and actions. "It seems like every time you are with Tom you get grounded."

* Encourage a wide variety of friends. This promotes individuality and makes it less likely for children to give in to peer pressure from any one group.

* Teach responsibility. Responsible children consider their options. They tend to cooperate more consciously than "people-pleasers," (children who are motivated by approval) by considering their options rather than automatically making choices to avoid conflict or negative reactions from someone.
 

Help Your Child Develop a Positive Self-Image

Encourage individuality and independence by modeling or demonstrating those behaviors. Parents who resist peer pressure are teaching their children to do the same. Discuss independence with our children and stress the importance of being one’s own person and doing what one feels is right.

Teach assertiveness through role playing so that children will be able to standup for what they believe is right. We can also teach problem solving when children are faced with peer pressure by suggesting alternative activities or explaining why they refuse to participate in a certain activity.
Praise assertiveness—behavior that is praised is much more likely to be repeated.

Provide appropriate discipline when children give into peer pressure such as restitution, restricting privileges, or not letting the child spend time with the friend or friends with whom he got into trouble.

If you are suspicious your child may have given in to peer pressure, try to figure out the reason the child has given into peer pressure and address it. If they lack self-confidence or self-esteem, then work on building those qualities.

Seek help if a child is consistently giving into peer pressure.

Signs of Peer Pressure:

* Excessive demands for material things his friends has

* Disregarding your rules in order to do things with friends

* Stealing with friends

* Any hint of alcohol or drugs

* Teens seriously misleading you about friends or whereabouts

* Doing things to avoid rejection, like complying or conforming with friends

Show Teens We Care:

* Always take time to really listen

* Give children privacy; teens need space

* Be accepting of our children, not too critical

* Don't rush the teen years or raise false expectations

* Develop a strong sense of family unity by spending time together

* Talk about sex, drugs and alcohol!

Culled from  A-Better-Child.org


Your child faces a number of tough decisions in her life. Since making friends and fitting in are important to many children, peer pressure has a big impact on decisions, especially on those about drug, alcohol, and tobacco use. Children may be afraid that if they say no to something harmful, they won't be accepted. It is important that you teach your child about the dangers of drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. Other important skills your child needs are refusal skills. If you teach her how to say no to dangerous situations, she will feel more confident in her decisions. There are a number of ways your child can refuse drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. Following is a guide for teaching your child refusal skills.

-Ways To Say No

Say, "No, thanks." It could be just as easy as that! However, if the person offering the cigarette, beer, or joint persists, your child will have to back up her "No thanks" with other tactics.
Be a broken record. Tell your child to keep saying no as many times as he needs to, either to cause the person pressuring them to stop, or to stall until he can think of something else to say.
Give a reason. This reason could be simply, "I'm not allowed to do that," or, "That's bad for you." It could state the consequences, such as, "I don't want to do that; it will make me sick," or, "You can die from doing that." The important thing is that your child state her reason for saying no with confidence. It's important for your child not to get into an argument; the goal is to refuse what is being offered.
Walk away or ignore the offer. This doesn't work in all situations. Sometimes your child will be alone or in some other situation where he can't walk away.
Change the subject or suggest doing something else. By saying, "Let's do... instead," your child has the potential to not only refuse an offer of drugs, alcohol, or tobacco, but to prevent a friend from using them too.
Assert yourself. This is an important part of all the above tactics. If your child can stick up for herself, she is learning an important life skill. Being able to state your position assertively is a trait that we value in adults, so if your child learns it now, she will be better off in the future.

Remember, the best way to refuse drugs, alcohol, and tobacco is to spend time with people who don't use these substances. Help your children establish positive friendships, and monitor your child's activities.

-Put It Into Practice

Once you teach your child refusal skills, it is important that you practice them with him. Different aged children may face different situations, and it's important to make sure you practice with situations that may actually happen. Start by asking your child what he does when someone tries to get him to do something he doesn't want to do. Do a number of role-play situations in which you pose as the offerer, and have your child practice different ways to say "no." When you are finished, your child should feel confident that he has the power to make the right choice.

Culled from http://www.family.samhsa.gov/teach/refusal.aspx

-10 Ways You Can Help Your Child Cope With Peer Pressure

Standing up to peer pressure is one of the greatest challenges that children face. Many are unable to stand up to the challenge and are led into participating in risky or even illegal activities. Help your child deal with peer pressures by doing the following:

1. Strengthen the bond with your child. He will be more likely to respect your views and values and better able to resist peer pressure if he has a good relationship with you and feels you are a source of support. This bond needs to be nurtured long before your child's teenage years.

2. Promote your child's self-esteem. Children who are confident and have positive self-worth are more likely to pursue friendships with children who are good role models and better able to resist negative peer pressure. Find opportunities to boost your child's self-esteem and enjoy success by involving him in activities that capitalise on his strengths and interests. And, of course, praise him for things he does well at home.

3. Set a good example. Your child is a keen observer of what you do and may learn more from what he sees than what he hears. If he sees that you are constantly striving to keep up with other parents, he will likely do the same with his peers. If he sees you drinking and smoking, he is less likely to resist engaging in these behaviors. If you do drink or smoke, giving it up will make a vivid impression on him.

4. Talk with your child about peer pressure. Let your child know that you understand how hard it can be at his age to do things that make him stand out. Tell him that his peers may respect his decision not to join them in an activity even though they may not express it, and that some may even admire his courage in resisting what they could not. Help him understand that a friend who is pressuring him to do something that may be harmful is not much of a friend. Appeal to his desire for autonomy by encouraging him not to let others manipulate or make decisions for him.

5. Avoid overreacting when talking about peer issues. Your child may tell you things that may make your jaw drop. If you overreact, you will discourage him from talking with you about these issues again. At the same time use these teachable moments to introduce some cautions without moralising  or lecturing. Although it may seem as though he is dismissing what you are saying, he will hear you.

6. Choose your battles carefully. Don't make an issue out of your child's wanting to wear the same clothes as his friends or adopt a trendy hairstyle. Make your stand on high-risk peer behavior. Battling your child constantly over minor issues may drive your child toward peers who are similarly alienated from their parents. Not sweating the small stuff will enable you to be more effective when you challenge him on the larger issues.

7. Help your child develop good decision-making skills. If he can learn to trust his own instincts when making decisions, he will be less likely to let others make decisions for him. Encourage him to think through the possible consequences of the decision he is facing, including whether it may cause him harm. Let him know that giving in to the pressure now may make life harder for him later on.

8. Help your child develop responses to peers. Help him figure out what to say to peers who are pressuring him to participate in high-risk activities. Suggest responses that are short and simple and that he can say comfortably. If he is receptive, role-play with him or encourage him to practice in front of a mirror.

9. Get to know your child's friends. Make a point of encouraging your child to invite his friends home. Spend some time with them and assess whether they are positive influences.

10. Don't hesitate to set limits for your child. Your willingness to say no to him sets a good example and may help give him the courage to say no to a peer when faced with a potentially harmful situation.

Culled from http://www.freearticles.com/article/10-Ways-You-Can-Help-Your-Child-Cope-With-Peer-Pressure/668

I must say at this juncture that the task of helping our children overcome peer pressure is one that knows no end. Infact we as parents must make it as part of our parental grooming skills as soon as we begin to raise children biological or as caregivers to others. One thing is important; our tact in handling this task with our children/teens. How tactful we are determines a great deal the success we come out with.

Peer pressure (negative) like every behaviourial challenge can be overcome by our children/ teens but we must be there for them as their greatest backbone to walk them through it. One fulfilling thing is if we succeed with them, they will succeed with others (friends of theirs). To parents who are about throwing in the towel on redeeming your children/ teens on the 'prodigal journey' that negative peer pressure has taken them there is hope if you will apply assiduously these few suggestions I have sourced out for you. I wish you and your children/ teens all the best! You will succeed with them!

Stop Child Abuse!

C.H.A.N.G.E. Catalysts and Youth Passion Initiative present  a “2-DAY" Walk and Symposium against child abuse tagged “STOP CHILD ABUSE” 

This walk and symposium is a joint collaborative effort of C.HAN.G.E. Catalysts and Youth Passion Initiative- two contemporary youth-centric not-for-profit organisations of strategists, consultants and advocates. We are poised about grooming the youth that will build the nation. We achieve this by empowering them for productive youth life through contemporary sex education, related matters' training, fora and awareness with the purpose of ultimately making them better.

This Walk and Symposium is aimed at:

•Promoting the optimal development of children
•Promoting the right of children
•Reducing emotional, physical, sexual abuse and child
  maltreatment
•Reducing anti-social behaviours among children
•Enhancing child worth by edutaining the children
  Educating children on the menace of child abuse
•Orientating the public on the dastardly effects child abuse has on this
  generation.
•Helping children develop healthy self esteem
•Promoting positive ways child abuse can be stopped

This walk will host about 2,000 people through Ikeja, Oriade, Ajeromi and Apapa Local government area (in Lagos, Nigeria) where the walk will take place. Our target participants include primary, secondary schools and advocates for children.

This event is scheduled to hold on:
Thursday 26TH May, 2011 (Walk) and Friday 27th May, 2011 ( Symposium), between 7am – 12pm and 9am – 1pm respectively.
This event will feature notable speakers on Child and Youth Development.
Venue will be communicated soon.
For enquiries, sponsorship, partnership and any kind of positive support please call Isaac Success- +234 806 422 2169 or Blessing Timidi Digha- +234 803 760 8310

Beware Of Peer Pressure!

First daughter in the family of three girls, Hadiza was born a promising child. Myth has it that the moon shone exceptionally bright the night she was given birth to by her mother. A superstitious belief in her clan that such a child will rise to be great. Her parents brought her and her sisters up in the way that they should go. She learnt from her parents virtues of integrity, hard work, obedience to authority, cleanliness and importantly chastity of the girl child till she is married.

Hadiza soon grew into adolescence and shocked to realise that the virtues she gleaned from her parents were alien to her peers among which she spends a better part of her school days; mornings and afternoons and sometimes weekends. As much as Hadiza tried to sell her gospel of chastity till marriage to her peers, she was overwhelmed with the mockery she got in return for reception. She couldn't come to terms with the fact that while she prided herself being a virgin at 18, a great many of her peers had lost their virginity to reckless and exuberant living as early as 10. Some had aborted by 15. Some other 'veterans' had gone the cycle twice or thrice!

Soon, instead of commanding the admiration of her peers for being a virgin at 18, she started doubting all her parents taught her as she got loads of mockery and unbearable tauntings each day. They sold her phonies such as: she will not be able to conceive on time when she gets married and ready to have children, she will not enjoy sex doing it for the first time in marriage having not 'practiced' and garnered hands-on experience, if her husband found her to be a virgin he may reject her! Under the weight of this barrage of criticism, and sadly wanting to 'belong' and be a 'big girl', Hadiza served her virginity on one wild valentine school party to one prominent Casanova. Word has it that the more experienced the man that deflowers you is, the more enjoyable and experienced one will become. Hadiza was not just deflowered but had an almost endless turns. She practically passed out in an atmosphere of wild orgy. After recovering from what almost took her life, physically and psychologically, 6 years on, Hadiza today is what you can call a corporate sex worker at her well paid bank job. For Hadiza, it is natural with her to have crush on any thing in pair of trousers (male) as she often practically throws herself at men of all shapes and sizes. All she craves for in men is sex, sex and more sex! How far can PEER PRESSURE 'press' you?


What Is Peer Pressure?

Adolescence is a time of experimentation with new identities and experiences. Responding to peer pressure is a fundamental part of human nature. Peer pressure refers to the influence exerted by a peer group in encouraging a person to change his or her attitudes, values, or behaviour in order to conform to group norms.

Who Are Your Peers?  

Your peers are people your age or close to it who have experiences and interests similar to yours, Your close friends, other kids who you know who are your age or within the range, kids in your grade, church, mosque, sports team, or community. These peers influence you by the way they dress, act, think, things they are involved in and the attitudes they show. When they try to influence the way you act or get you to do something, its called PEER PRESSURE. Peer pressure is a two edged sword- it can be positive or negative depending on the virtues or vices that your peers are impressing on you.


Peer Pressure- Challenge Of Adolescence-

As you grow older, you'll be faced with some challenging decisions. Making decisions on your own is hard enough but when other people get involved and try to pressure you one way or another, it can be even harder. As you become more independent, your peers naturally play a greater role in your life.
It is something every one has to deal with-even adults. Peer Pressure is a powerful reality and many adults do not realise its effects. In young people, youth peer pressure is one of the most frequently referred to forms of peer pressure.


Peers Influence Your Life!

Even if you dont realise it, just by spending time with you, you learn from them and they learn from you. ITS ONLY HUMAN NATURE TO LISTEN TO AND LEARN FROM OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR AGE GROUP.
A person affected by peer pressure may or may not want to belong to groups in which they find themselves. They may also recognise dissociative groups with which they would not wish to associate, and thus they behave adversely concerning the groups behaviours. Peer pressure can have positive or negative effects- for example, if one is associated with a group of people that are ambitious and working to succeed, one might feel pressured to follow suit to avoid feeling excluded from the group.


Peer Pressure Statistics-             

These peer pressure statistics are meant to act as a warning sign for parents and children. Having realistic knowledge of what is happening in society might help one become alert and probably not give in to these pressures:

1. 30% of teens are offered drugs in high school and middle school. (Adolescent Substance Abuse Knowledge Base)

2. 3.1 million American teens smoke. (American Lung Association) Of these, 25% of 17 and 18 year olds smoke daily.

3. The Kaiser Foundation states that nearly 50% of adolescents between the ages of 12-18 feel pressured into having sex in relationships.

4. Teens are infected by 4 million new STDs every year. (Allan Guttamacher Institute)

5. The National Household Survey states that the use of marijuana has risen 275% from the years '92-'97.

6. 9.5% teens have tried some form of cocaine in their lives. (Adolescent Substance Abuse Knowledge Base)

7. 32.2% teens try their first drink before the age of 13. (Adolescent Substance Abuse Knowledge Base)

8. 9% (14 Years), 18% (15-17 Years), 22% (18-19 Years) of teens experience a pregnancy every year. (Communities Responding to the Challenge of Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention)


Why Do People Give In To Peer Pressure?

1. To be liked or accepted
2. To fit in
3. Fear of being mocked by other kids should one not blend in
4. Curiosity
5. Exuberant adventure
6. The 'everyone-is-doing-it' syndrome
7. Insecurity


Gains And Pains Of Peer Pressure-

As teen you want to feel accepted and you look to your peers to gain acceptance. The effects of peer pressure can be divided into two categories; negative and positive. The positive effects of peer pressure are improving in school, increased confidence, and getting involved in other positive ventures. Negative peer pressure can cause lower grades, strained relationships, low self-esteem and poor choices.


Beware Of Peer Pressure-

So many young lives have been destroyed by peer pressure that we must ask ourselves why it is so powerful. It even overcomes the voices of conscience, reason and authority. Why? It is because relationships matter to us as human beings. You do not want to lose your friends. You do not want your friends to think you are dull or “a chicken”. This blackmails you into a stupor so that you fail to think morally, reasonably or obediently. God knows this and that is why he deliberately allows peer pressure. It is to test you, to show what you are really made of on the inside before you churn out maturity.

So, beware of peer pressure. Beware of bad friends. Beware of those two words – “Let us”. They will destroy you and send you to an 'early grave'. If you are influential on your friends, influence them in the direction of noble virtues. To influence them in the direction of damaging vices is to precipitate for yourself a season of the harvest of same. So, what kind of influence are you having on your friends? On the other hand, if you are a victim of peer pressure and are afraid of losing friends, I offer you wholesome friendship. Make effort to seek out peers with admirable virtues and Godly upbringing and a self-determined resolve to keep to same. For it is one thing to be well brought up, it is another to maintain one's good parental upbringing in one's adolescence and age of total independence as we read in the case of Hadiza in my opening story.  I wish you well!

Red Card Teenage Pregnancy!

"Red Card Teenage Pregnancy!"

The game of football (soccer) is a very interesting game that commands the followership of a sizable number of the world. To have some sense of order in the game, there are a set of rules which guide the 22 players in the game. There is a referee who is the arbiter between the two teams that contest each time. Anytime any of the eleven players on each side of the field breaks any of the rules of the game, the referee signifies the degree of his meted punishment with two different colour cards; the yellow and the red. The yellow card signifies that the defaulting player has a second and final chance to remain in the game while the red card issues the defaulting player a matching order out of the game and stops him or her from further abusing the rules of the game.

Life is very akin to the game of football with set rules for the purpose of order. Just like in the game of football, there are game rule defaulters in the game of life. In the lives of our young people, among other defaulters Teenage Pregnancy is one of such. That is why I am saying in this article that you and I as parents, guardians, caregivers, young people, teenagers etc. should "Red Card Teenage Pregnancy!"


What is Teenage Pregnancy?

Teenage pregnancy.

Teenage Pregnancy occurs when a teenager or underaged girl (usually within the ages of 12-19) becomes pregnant. The term in everyday speech usually refers to women who have not reached legal adulthood which varies across the world who become pregnant.

In today's high-pressure, fast-paced and jet-age world, it is not easy being a teenager. Having been a teenager myself years back, I can tell and my dear teenage friends out there may align with this view of mine. Young people need to listen to compelling and consistent talks on abstinence.


Some causes of Teenage Pregnancy are-

Causes.

*Parental Negligence
*Lack of or Inadequate Sex Education
*Exposure
*Poverty
*Child Abuse
*Teenage Rebellion
*Peer Pressure
*Sexual Abuse

The vast possibilities of our great future will become realities only if we (as parents, guardians or caregivers) make ourselves responsible for the future. Who knows? The next victim of teenage pregnancy could be your child, niece, neighbour's daughter or sibling etc. This is not to make teenage pregnancy look like some kind of disease, but you will agree with  me that it is a shameful thing to happen to one's child even in the highly civilised countries.  As civilised and 'socially liberal' as such countries may be, teenage pregnancy is a sad reflection of the failure of parenthood and the society at large. It could happen in school, church or mosque etc. It happens anywhere, that is why we (as parents, guardians or caregivers) must watch out for our children or wards.

Statistics.

Statistics on Teenage Pregnancy-

-In America-
-Approximately 750,000 teenagers between 15-19 will become pregnant every year in the US. African-American teenagers have the highest pregnancy rate compared to Hispanic and Caucasian teenagers.

-In UK-
-The UK has the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe.
The Office for National Statistics data showed there were 41.9 conceptions per 1,000 15 - 17 year olds in 2007 - up from 40.9 the year before.
It is the first increase since 2002 and the government missed its target to halve rates by 2010. The news follows a series of high-profile teenage pregnancy cases. In total, there were estimated to be just over 42,900 conceptions in under 18s. The under 16 conception rates also increased from 7.8 per 1,000 to 8.3, meaning there were nearly 8,200 pregnancies.

-In Asia-
In the Indian subcontinent, premarital sex is uncommon, but early marriage sometimes means adolescent pregnancy. The rate of early marriage is higher in rural regions than it is in urbanised areas. Fertility rates in South Asia range from 71 - 119 births per 1000 women aged 15–19. 30% of all Indian induced abortions are performed on women who are under 20.
Other parts of Asia have shown a trend towards increasing age at marriage for both sexes. In South Korea and Singapore, marriage before age 20 has all but disappeared, and, although the occurrence of sexual intercourse before marriage has risen, rates of adolescent childbearing are low at 4 - 8 per 1000. The rate of early marriage and pregnancy has decreased sharply in Indonesia and Malaysia; however, it remains high in comparison to the rest of Asia.

-In Africa-
The highest rate of teenage pregnancy in the world -143 per 1,000 girls aged 15–19 years - is in sub-Saharan Africa. Women in Africa, in general, get married at much earlier ages than women elsewhere - leading to earlier pregnancies

-In Nigeria-
The United Nations says 53,000 women in Nigeria die annually of pregnancy-related illnesses. That is one of the highest maternal mortality rates in the world. Doctors and youth counselors in Nigeria say teenage mothers are more at risk because of poverty, lack of access to health care, and a culture that does not like to talk about sex. -VOA News 2009-03-03


Dangers of Teenage Pregnancy-

Danger!

*Low Self-Esteem
*Increased maternal and child morbidity or mortality
*Sexually Transmitted Infection or Diseases e.g. Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV), Vesicovaginal Fistula (vvF)
*Education or Career drop outs
*Abortions
*Risk of loss of life
*Exchanging sex for resources due to inability to cope financially, materially etc.
*Shame or disgrace to the family
*Pregenancy for Teenagers is more dangerous and traumatic (confirm by statistics above).
*Social Stigma etc.


Preventing Teenage Pregnancy-
We as parents must put an immediate stop to our unacceptable lackadaisical attitude towards the upbringing of our children.

We need to teach our children and teenagers-

1. Sex Education- 

The teaching of fundamental theories and facts about sex to a person or people, so that they can be sexually conscious, understanding the do's and don'ts of sex, dangers, side effects, when suitable etc. Regular sex education in the classroom alone is insufficient. Sex education to our children should begin with we the parents teaching our children at home. We need to get over the 'shyness' or reluctance of not being bold enough to talk to our children about sex. If our children learn about sex first from we the parents it is a lot safer for them and us in preventing teenage pregnancy. I say this because they will be learning from one of the most reliable sources which gives one peace of mind, rather than learning from friends who may lead them astray.  In the bid to prevent teenage pregnancy, sex education should be more emphasised by parents at home, religious leaders in religious organsiations etc.  Teenagers who have had formal sex education are far more likely to put off having sex.


2. Sexual Abstinence-                                                                                                                             
 Abstinence is more than the cliches of "just say no" or "wait until marriage" or "You are too young to have sex", which sounds more like compelling without convincing reason. While those are all very good reasons, most decisions about abstinence go deeper than that. Abstinence means voluntarily choosing not to engage in sexual activity until marriage, and this is why sex education is most important. When our children are properly informed about sex, they will be able to make informed decision on sexual abstinence.


3. Self Respect-
                                             
The way we treat our children as parents at home determines whether they grow with self respect or not. Many of our children today have lost their self respect or self-esteem because of different kinds of abuses they suffer from the way some of we parents treat them. In as much as there are a number of causes of low esteem in children, we can help our children develop their self respect or esteem, beginning with the way we treat them. i.e. with respect; from the way we talk to and with them etc. They may be our children, but just like every individual, we should realise that they deserve our respectful treatment. We should give them a sense of worth in the home. In this way, they will not look up to their peers or outsiders for self respect or esteem. When a child (especially a girl child) lacks self respect and she has to look up to a boy outside the home for self respect or love, this leads to all manner of regrettable consequences among which is teenage pregnancy (directly or indirectly).

4. Positive Decision Making-

Guide their decision making.

In the grooming of our children, we should give them some air of liberty in decision making, particularly on issues that concerns them. We may help them review their decisions though and offer them parental guidance, but we should avoid foisting our own views on them. Allowing our children some form of liberty as they grow instill in them indepedence.


As we continue to mind the rules in the game of life, we as parents, guardians, caregivers, young people, teenagers etc. should constantly "Red Card Teenage Pregnancy!" out of the lives of those concerned in our lives.

Once Upon A Mess...Now A Message To Bless.

Met this young man.

6 years ago it was, I met this young man; young, innocent, naive but adventurous as I was, I got involved with him and we did what we shouldn't have done. Hmmnn... That forbidden act as unmarried 1 adolescent  (me) and 1 adult (him) resulted in an unplanned-for pregnancy.

Pregnant?!!! Preg...what? Me? P-r-e-g-n-a-n-t?!!! Ah! "I am finished!" So I thought..."how was I going to break this shameful news to my parents?" "Should I hide? Hide where? Should I run away? Where to? Should I go get rid of it?"  God! I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion, I was scared of those sharp and pricky instruments they use-they look like subsistent farming implements-sickle, garden fork etc. Those who allow them use those tools on them must be out of their minds! These and many more begging-for-answers questions raced through my troubled mind and cluttered brain. Pregnancy, especially in a slim adolescent as I was at the time was not something that could be hidden successfully for long, at least not for 9 months without my parents' eagle eyes picking it. Not to talk about the tell tale signs of pregnancy- the early morning sickness, weakness, spitting, loss of appetite, nauseating feelings, vomiting  in some cases etc. Yuhk!

I remember like yesterday.

I remember like yesterday, that dreaded September morning to remember, having finally summoned the courage to face the music, when I dropped the bombshell. Was it a bombshell or a dynamite?! I remember my Mum looking at me as if she had seen a ghost. She was just speechless and lost. I could imagine what must have been coursing through her turmoiled mind. "Ehn? ...is it true, I'm I dreaming or watching a true life movie?" Not my Timidi...impossible!" Poor Mum...against all her faith-fighting thoughts it was true...her supposed innocent but misled girl had eaten the 'forbidden fruit.' My Dad on his part kept sighing heavily for an hour uninterruptedly. Couldn't figure what was traversing his disheveled mind. Finally, he broke his pregnant silence. He said slowly and calmly: (in Yoruba language- the language of the western part of Nigeria.) : "Kilo fe se ni siyin?" (Meaning- what is your decision now on this matter?) Struggling to find my voice, when I finally did, I quiveringly said: I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion. He then said: "You are responsible for your decisions." That verdict marked the genesis of my adult life.

This exodus to my adult life was not a roller coaster after all. Each phase of it came with it's different melodrama. The months of the pregnancy following my open disclosure to my parents was an eclectic mix of the 'good' the 'bad' and the 'ugly'. The physical pressure induced by the biological changes characteristic of the growth of the 'seed' residing within me took its toll on me. I am moved to tears right now remembering how so motherly my Mum gave her support all through to this unprepared, naive, young and expectant mother. To mothers who find themselves today in my Mum's shoes years back, this is not the time to say all the unprintable words to your daughter or disown her. I am not saying you should condone. No! Condemn what she has done because there is nothing worthy of emulation in what I did, but the way my parents maturely handled it puts me on this rostrum today to be sharing with you. After letting her know you don't like what she has done, what you should give her at this time; you and her father is your love, support and unflinching care. If the contrary is the case, you may worsen the already bad situation and trust me, you as the mother will be the one to share the greater regret and shame.

The Shame...ah!

The social shame I faced is also a worthy source of life lesson. I lost friends and received a barrage of insults from ex-friends (as they left me) gossiping and busy body neighbours. I learnt that when you are 'up' your friends know you, but when you are 'down' YOU KNOW YOUR FRIENDS! Yeah the insults! They were so emotionally disturbing such that walking around the neighbourhood sometimes with my inconcealable and protruding tummy, the insults almost ran me bunkers. I wept endlessly...cried my self to sleep many nights. Not to talk about the fact that I am a very emotional person who cries with ease. I soon got used to the insults. Did I tell you that Daddy is a clergyman and Mum a Christian Religious Studies teacher? So you can imagine how my shameful act brought them untold shame. As a young girl, I was always in the eye of the public and very stubborn, so after years of sobering up, this incident came as a shocker to everyone. The only one who in the midst of all these pressures seemed unreservedly pleased was my kid sister, Damilola -Dammy, she wanted a sibling and I was giving her one on a platter of diamonds. Wink*** .

Are you musing in your heart wondering who or where is the man with whom I shared the 'forbidden fruit'? The man? Hmmnnn...You don't want to know. As it is the case of when opportunistic older men take advantage of the naivety of younger, inexperienced and unsuspecting girls, lured with deceitful statements such as: "I love you", "I will take good care of you", "I will buy this for you, I will buy that for you"...so it was in my case. He left me hanging in the balance after learning about my pregnancy. My dear young girlfriend, any young man who tells you he loves you and is more concerned about messing with your body and not interested in seeing to your progress; spiritually, academically, emotionally and in other edifying ways DOES NOT love you...he is only LUSTING FOR YOUR BODY!  I can assure you that if you let him, the regret and the irrevocable shame will be yours. Need I tell you I speak from experience?

Friends indeed.

In your life's lowest moments you may lose 'friends' as it was in my case, but your travails will not only be characterised by losses, but also gains.  I made new friends who stood by me- friends indeed and in need; Ademola Adeniran, Seun Adewuyi , Bunmi Adetunji, Christiana Sanni, Engineering team FSE Ladoke Akintola University of Technology, Ogbomoso, Oyo State, Nigeria (LAUTECH), Roseline Ogunlade and a few more. To you all I say: "Thank you for not joining the crowd to judge me, for loving me and helping me. Your love, encouragements and support gave me the strength to face the world." To my old friends who stuck with me inspite of the shame and shared my shame with me- true friends, friends indeed; The Adiatus, Niyi Osunbade, Ema Amaechi, Abigail Ikhiede, etc. :"Thank you for still seeing the best in me."  Still, at a point, I  almost dropped out of school, not because Dad and Mum wouldnt pay my fees again, infact they were so wonderful and still are. Especially when on the 16th  of May, 2006, I had my daughter- Glory, Blondy, Zoe, Chelsea. Waaaoh!!! After all the shame, you can't imagine the boundless joy that filled me with the birth of my baby. The most precious thing to me. In a matter of weeks from today, she will be 5! Each time I look back to that 'September to remember', I remain convinced that one of the wisest and perhaps the most couragous decisions of my life that I ever made was to keep her and never get rid of her. She is a great star in the making and a source of favour. The events of her life till date prove so and as her mother, my intuition tells. My parents took full responsibility for her (the girl is actually theirs; by virtue of the way they cared for her) and yours truly-I just couldn't cope. That is why I value the support of my parents so much and that of my aforementioned friends especially Seun and Demola who 'bullied' me into staying back in school- I am glad they did. Sometimes, love is tough! That was what Seun and Demola showed me- tough love. To my first mentor-Oladele Olunike; you top my list of gratitude; for your unflinching support, counsels and encouragement.

Empowering young people.

My dear friend, (especially) the young girl who may be circa the age I was at the time of this experience, your studies, obedience to your parents and other constituted authorities should be your priorities at this time. I have learnt the hard way, you don't have to. Make my experience a lesson you should learn from. My dear friends who are parents (especially mothers like me) or aspiring parents, please know as I often like to say that: any faux pas in the upbringing of a child can mar its childhood and if not quickly salvaged can ruin such a destiny. Please make your child's upbringing a priority today so you don't face shame and experience heartache tomorrow. If you have a stubborn or heady child as I was years ago, perhaps what that child requires of you is better understanding, patience and friendliness. The error we parents make sometimes is that we don't allow our children express how they feel on issues concerning them, neither do we consider that their views are important. As long as we stifle our children, they will not be open to us, they will prefer to confide in inexperienced friends or boyfriends or girlfriends who may lead them astray as they sometimes do. I will also urge you to be an inspiring example to your children. Let your life inspire them to obedience and a life worthy of emulation than your words. Remember our children learn more from what we do before them than what we say to them. Perhaps you my dear friend reading this blog once found yourself in my shoes today; (having had a child out of wedlock and the baby's father rejected you and that experience had plunged you into a life of hardship), like I was and you think life is all over, the story of my life should inspire you differently. That one time naive, innocent, misled girl who got pregnant out of wedlock, today as a Child and Youth Development Strategist and Consultant, I devote my time to empowering young people for productive youth life. Through our youth-centric organisation- C.H.A.N.G.E. Catalysts, we facilitate a quarterly empowerment seminar for young people to educate them on sex education, emotional and sexual abuse therapeutic recovery, campaign against teenage pregnancy and such related matters. Over time, by the grace of God, the support of my family and good friends,  I have been able to pick up myself from my "Once Upon A Mess..." and turned my learnt lessons into "...a message now to bless." Same can be your story! I wish you all the best!